tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90458352890531240312024-03-21T05:57:40.270-05:00Isabelle's Heart ~ Our Journey with HLHSHypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) was diagnosed at our ultrasound at 18 weeks.
This is a blog about a Congenital Heart Defect (CHD) called HLHS and our journey with Isabelle; our visits to University of Michigan and C.S. Mott Children's hospital; and our life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-4115985757900674592019-01-24T10:21:00.001-06:002019-01-24T10:21:39.963-06:00....and so time, and life go on...<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>My life since Sept 22, 2012....</b></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Wow, it's been a very <i>LONG</i> time since my last post!! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To those who've followed my blog, I thank you for your patience and understanding! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I've done my best to recall 'the past' and as hard as it can be to do so, it also has a strange way of bringing "comfort" to me because it allows me to remember precious moments spent with Isabelle. Memories are all I have of her, and I never want to forget those memories, no matter how difficult they are or can be. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My last blog entry was about our SHOCK and how life unraveled that day, the day of Sept 22, 2012 when our sweet Isabelle Grace passed away in our arms. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Once we got back to Kokomo, the inevitable had to faced: Going to the funeral home! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A day I will never forget, yet another memory etched into my brain. Hours spent, making choices and decisions that were too surreal, I couldn't believe we were even sitting in this room, looking through a catalog for a casket, making choices on burial or cremation, urns... it was all so overwhelming. The staff was beyond exceptional, and extremely patient! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">However, before all that occurred, Adam and I spent an entire day in Indianapolis trying to find the PERFECT dress for our angel! We scoured every shop we could think of in the mall! Everything we looked at just didn't <i>FEEL</i> right, it was too poofy or too wedding attire looking or just the wrong look all together... <u>nothing</u> was jumping out to me like, ohh THIS is the one! Of course, nothing would because I should not be having to shop for my daughters burial dress!! Adam found one in the Carter's store, which I liked, but I wanted to keep looking.. just incase we saw something we liked more. Then again, "keep looking" could be translated into, 'I am not ready to commit to this moment'.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We went into a store in the mall and came across a clothing line called "Isobelle and Chloe", I couldn't believe it! It was <i>perfect</i>... at least the names were close.. but the dress was WAY too much material for my small baby girl and it would have over powered her small frame! So, we kept looking. We ended up in JCPenny's and came across the CUTEST pair of Okie Dokie PINK "suede" ankle boots. That was it ... we HAD to have them for her and so there it was, the decision was made by a pair of pink boots and we went BACK to Carter's to get the PERFECT dress which matched the perfect shoes and the perfect pink bow headband and cream tights!! It was perfect, she is perfect, she will be my perfect, beautiful, adorable angel!</span><br />
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That's all I can blog for now.... </div>
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a lot of emotional memories .... gotta take a bit for myself. </div>
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Much love to you all! </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-66940210190003921442018-09-13T19:08:00.001-05:002018-09-13T19:08:27.955-05:00Those Facebook Memories! <div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>"Your Facebook Memory from 6 years ago. . . "</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>these aren't always easy!</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sept 13, 2018... first thing I see on my Facebook is a memory from 6 years ago.. TO THE DAY! Wow... I wasn't ready to see that ~ Even SIX years later! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here is what it said:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Well, the Doc's in MI said we could go home and continue our weekly fetal cardio appointments, that was good news! They said unless anything changes with the heart rhythm then we SHOULD make it to our due date of Oct. 11, 2012... via C-section!! She was measuring 5lbs 7oz today - so we could be looking at having a 7lb baby! GROW IZZY GROW!! </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>WELL... </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today, Sept 13, on a Thursday, six years ago is what set in motion moments that are FOREVER etched for eternity in my brain. The sights, the sounds, the surrounding environment, the beautiful sunny day, the tears of fear and worry. The holding of my Mothers-in-law hand (Margaret Groninger) during one of several ultrasounds as tears streamed down my face just from worry, the phone call to my own Mom (Frances Renshaw) to tell her the "good news" that we wouldn't be kept in Michigan, as Mott's... that we were on our way home! The long hug with my husband, Adam, which was full of cautious relief. THIS DAY - as we reflect back on the events that would unfold - marks the gamut of emotion and questions like; "what if___", "wonder if___", "if only___" and "why___?". </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">SIX YEARS that feel like it was yesterday. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">TAKE NO DAY FOR GRANTED ~ THIS IS A HARD LESSON LEARNED!</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-22422939183727949522018-08-31T18:53:00.002-05:002018-09-13T18:36:08.960-05:00We miss you Izzy!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAbW93SwneqcVwG70l7UfOmC91m4kUmauQfkLFiXtUH8HXOFnSyX_TJ0ib_cDA0VIuFt-tEjrpfVlaLteLyYJae46c4durY72L-XyWm2dBsbuVkd01fz9oTRJ5NJfOQCIiHbHcHLyEs6c/s1600/383_786_isabelle-grace.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="500" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAbW93SwneqcVwG70l7UfOmC91m4kUmauQfkLFiXtUH8HXOFnSyX_TJ0ib_cDA0VIuFt-tEjrpfVlaLteLyYJae46c4durY72L-XyWm2dBsbuVkd01fz9oTRJ5NJfOQCIiHbHcHLyEs6c/s320/383_786_isabelle-grace.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-59804627581701923732016-06-06T09:14:00.000-05:002016-06-06T09:14:04.294-05:00Feeling a little tug....<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>.... is it time to write again?</i></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">I am feeling a little nudge, tug, a little voice in my head.... "write". That's all it says. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">Hummm.... </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">It's been a LONG time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">Is it time to write about Izzy again?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">So much is going on at this very moment in life, so much has happened since I last wrote! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">Perhaps it's Izzy, telling me to take time for ME, find a quite moment, reflect, remember, appreciate </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">and love. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkSdd5UraEpI-ezwnc0LMcr5YS4hN_Rs2cp75472NhqhQSUJgpsHE-gYyZuuA2IDe7-2rJDSkxD93L3x6lu2m0Sd9BLZLjg7fJ19CrLYGvvCKcEpUf9hiOsOIY34tOVw5NvPjhs1SN0ss/s1600/dandelion-167112_960_720.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkSdd5UraEpI-ezwnc0LMcr5YS4hN_Rs2cp75472NhqhQSUJgpsHE-gYyZuuA2IDe7-2rJDSkxD93L3x6lu2m0Sd9BLZLjg7fJ19CrLYGvvCKcEpUf9hiOsOIY34tOVw5NvPjhs1SN0ss/s640/dandelion-167112_960_720.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-31303473465595499132013-11-17T12:34:00.003-06:002014-09-15T12:01:33.545-05:00SHOCK!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 10px;"><br /></span>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 10px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">State of Shock! </span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 10px;">Like I said in my last post:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 10px;"><span class="pub_date" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; font-family: Baskerville, 'Goudy Old Style', Palatino, 'Book Antiqua', serif; font-size: 1.5em; font-style: italic; font-weight: normal; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our lives ... FOREVER changed. A terrible pain ripped through and grasped our hearts and had no indication of ever letting go. A huge void, a horrible emptiness and "fog" encompassed every thread of my body. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pulling away from Mott's, having no idea where we were going or what we were doing, it felt so unreal that we had just "lost" our precious baby girl. The feelings are truly indescribable! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know that everyone handles shock and/or grief in their own way and to some, the way one handles it may seem extreme or odd where it feels totally normal to the person IN it at the time. So, what we did next may seem odd to some, and that's okay, but again, Adam and I felt totally "lost", needing time to absorb what just happened and just grasping at whatever gave us comfort in the moment. We ended up at a University of Michigan gift shop called The M Den and there we scooped up some clothing items. We felt a "connection" with Michigan now and we will forever so I guess this was one way for us to "never forget". I recall going into a dressing room to try on some sweatpants and upon looking into the mirror I was horrified at what I saw. I looked horrible with my eyes swollen, puffy, red and the size of golf balls yet at the same time is didn't care what ANYONE thought! I didn't have much "care" about anything! After leaving The M Den, we called Tom and Margaret to let them know we were on our way back to the Ronald McDonald house. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When we got back, Chloe was entertaining herself in the playroom and I just hugged and hugged her. Margaret and Tom sat with us but we didn't really exchange a lot of words, after all WHAT could you even say? Tom did, regretfully, inform us that we were not able to spend the night again there at the house since we no longer had a "patient" in the hospital. While I understood and even now I understand it's policy, it also was just very hard to digest because we just went through the hardest thing EVER a parent goes through I felt like we were getting "kicked out" during the worst part of our life! So we had to go pack up our room and find a place to go. Sure we could go "home" but our "home" is in Evansville, a 9 hour drive ~ not something we wanted to do at this time. We could go "home" to Kokomo and stay with parents or other family, but we didn't want to do that either, we just wanted to be "alone" and didn't WANT to leave Michigan ... yet. Honestly, we didn't know <i>EXACTLY</i> what we wanted, we just knew we weren't <i>ready </i>to leave<i>. </i>After packing up the cars, we said our goodbyes to Tom and Margaret and reassured them we'd call them but that we just needed some time alone together as a family. We all loaded up into our cars and drove away from the University of Michigan Hospital ~ yet another bittersweet and difficult moment for us! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We ended up spending the night one more time in Michigan at one of the hotels we'd stayed in before during our many trips to Mott's. We just hung out, ate dinner, and set Chloe up in her pack and play to "play" and sleep while Adam and I tried to find comfort in our own beds; clutching onto items that belonged to Izzy. Exhaustion eventually overcame our bodies and we slept and slept. I know for me, my "sleep" was jolted awake many times by pain, panic, tears, and pure gut wrenching emptiness. Bound by ace bandages around my breasts, an abdominal binder for my stomach and incision area accompanied by the agony of this unthinkable and unbearable loss ... each of which were constant reminders; painful horrific reminders that Isabelle was NOT in my and Adam's arms. Not to be TOO graphic, but with EACH shower I took, having to waste what was supposed to be nourishment for Isabelle, proved to be physically and overwhelmingly emotional moments for me that I was not prepared for. With each gut wrenching cry I felt pain in my abdomen and incision and I just wanted to die, I wanted it to just all go away I didn't know if I could overcome this feeling and to come out on the "other side" in one piece, a good wife for Adam and a good mother for Chloe ...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was in a million pieces and had no idea how to make them fit nor where they belonged. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It became a ritual for me, the painful triggers and reminders with each shower and the process of bounding my body back up afterwards ~ that process left for Adam to do, to bind my fragile body back together. As bad I wanted to to all end, for the milk to quit coming in so I wouldn't have that trigger and for the painful incision to heal; at the same time I felt like once that all ceased, I'd start "forgetting" and that also frightened me. How long would I endure this routine, this process? I also thought to myself how "terrible" I looked when I peered into the mirror and thought about what strangers <i>saw</i> as they looked at me, but then thinking they don't <i>SEE</i> what is under this clothing I wear, they don't see what's behind this worn out looking face sporting puffy eyes, swollen feet and this slow moving individual, they have no idea nor have any reason to judge. Nor do I, to ANYONE I may "wonder" about as I look at them. My views and feelings have been forever altered! "Unless you've walked in my shoes" ... has a whole new meaning to me. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then came the "phone call". The dreaded funeral home phone call. Adam handled it all; VERY well I might add. Arrangements were made to transport Isabelle to Kokomo and a meeting set up for us to go to the funeral home for further arrangements. I can't begin to imagine where his thoughts or mind took him, like mine did to me. All I do know, is that HE WAS MY ROCK and still is to this day. I just hope I am that for him. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not sure where we were headed from our hotel room in Michigan, or what we were going to do next.... we drove "around" and landed up in Target. Why? Well, who really knows. Numb and dazed, we just "window" shopped I guess and walked aimlessly through the store. Suddenly, Adam and I were separated, I alone and he had Chloe. I found myself nearly frozen and feeling panic overwhelm my body. There I was staring at infant clothing I turn to run away and I am smacked in the face with infant toys and other "infant" related items. I was surrounded and felt totally out of control of my entire body, emotions and felt totally lost in a store I once found "fun" to go to. I bolted out of area eventually, into the main isle way and found Adam. He knew just by looking at me and glancing up at the store signage where I'd just come from. He said nothing to me, but instead held me up as I cried in the middle of the isle and he gently guided the cart holding Chloe and I away from the painful reminder. I could care less what passerby's thought ... I didn't even notice other people at this time. Eventually I regained my composer, and we walked along together from this point on. We decided to leave, and started walking to the exit, but Adam stopped, turned the cart and us around because he noticed we were headed STRAIGHT towards the baby section again. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So there we sat in our car out in the parking lot of a Target store unsure of where to go next or what to do. Staring at our GPS wondering what we should type in. Crazy ideas popping into our heads of places to go or things to go see perhaps Chicago.. we could see a Cubs game or walk around Shed's Aquarium, or find another spot in Michigan to site see, or just drive and see where we end up. We just knew we weren't <i>ready</i> to go "home", face family and friends or talk about ANYTHING, we just wanted to be alone and spend some time together, cry together, and just BE. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We ended up driving towards "home" or towards Kokomo again... not sure exactly if we'd end up there. We even neared the exit that would take us to Chicago and debated on if we'd turn off or not and it all came down to if there was a Cubs game that we could go to. If there was, we'd exit and if not, well we'd just drive "home". I say "home" in quotes because nothing felt like "home" to us at this point. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's weird, the feelings that come over you after such a huge loss like what we just experienced. Honestly, it's no wonder that "outsiders" might think we're "losing it" or worry about us because our thoughts or choices may seem totally rash and unplanned to anyone else but to us ~ it made total sense! How long this "behavior" would last .... no one, not even us, knew the answer. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When we called family, we told them we were okay to ease their minds. When asked where we were, we just gave vague responses, like "we're still in Michigan" or "we are in Indiana now" but never gave an exact location. I guess we just didn't want to be "found" or something... or have people come for us. We decided to go ahead and head for Kokomo, and just get a cheap hotel there because we didn't want nor feel like staying with anyone. Again, we didn't want, or were ready, to "talk" about it or go over everything that had happened, we needed OUR time to process and absorb everything and felt we needed to do this alone as a family and to spend time with Chloe. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was very late when we arrived to our hotel room. We got Chloe set up again, and settled in for the night. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To be honest, I can't really remember much else other than telling the family we were in a hotel in Kokomo, but didn't divulge which one we were staying at. We did go visit my mother and going to visit Adam's parents and at some point we checked out of the hotel and stayed with family. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Over then next few days we had to go to a local funeral home to finalize arrangements. Wow, that WHOLE situation sucked! Its nothing anyone wants to do for a loved one, let alone their own child! We did what we had to do though! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I did get a gift, a huge gift ~ a blessing some may call it? It was one of those situations where it was a friend of a friend of a friend sharing our story about Izzy and it got back to a mother who'd lost her son. This lady's name is Audrey McCormick and she and her husband Gabriel started a mission called "David's Gift" (named after her son who passed too soon; here's a link: <a href="http://www.davidsgift.org/" target="_blank">http://www.davidsgift.org/</a> ). Her mission, a nonprofit charity, helps families who've lost a baby or small child with funeral expenses. I called Audrey the night before we were to meet with the funeral home to make our arrangements. Not sure what to expect or what I needed to do, I was anxious and nervous to call, but gave it a shot. Audrey was so compassionate and empathetic and wanted to offer her charity to me. There were no forms to be filled out, no questions asked, just simply tell the funeral home about her charity and provide them with her phone number and address. Since is was such short notice, Audrey didn't have the change to mail out the brochures to me to give the director of the funeral home, so I just had to print off the home page of the charity. I was in total Aww, and couldn't believe this was happening. We really had no idea how we were going to pay for a funeral and God sent us Audrey ... SUCH a blessing! I will pay it forward one day, and donate to her wonderful cause! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So here's the other hard part we had to do, write our daughter obituary. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I also want thank the staff of Sunset Memorial Gardens for helping us with this photo of Izzy; without her breathing tube! Thanks to David McWhorter, for all your help, patience and support and the entire staff for the wonderful care that they took of our precious angel! I also thank the man who had to stay at the funeral home until we left. Letting us spend as MUCH TIME as we needed to with Izzy, never making us feel pressured to hurry and leave. I don't think we left until after 11pm! So THANK YOU again! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I won't go into all the details or the personal emotions of the whole experience of Izzy's viewing and funeral ~ as I am sure you can imagine those days were hard and a blur for me. A few things do stand out though! SO many friends and family came to wish us well and give their condolences; I was so touched by the amount of people at the viewing as well as her funeral the next day. After the funeral my mother-in-law had gotten silver star balloons to release for Izzy. She passed them out to people on the front steps of St. Pat's church and we all release them. Later I was told that the construction crew that was across the street stopped their work, took off their hats and stood in silence across the street as we did this and until the hearse drove away. Then I was told by my sister-in-law and brother that after it seemed all the balloons had flown away, suddenly a group of them appeared, all tied up together ... a group of 4 (if I recall this correctly) to me it was a sign for the 4 days she was here on Earth with us. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The whole situation, the viewing and funeral was so surreal for me and my husband. Our priest did a wonderful job on the eulogy for Izzy and I wish I had it in writing ~ it was so very touching! Among the many great things he said, one thing in particular still stands out and that was that even though Adam and I knew our baby was sick before she was born, we made the choice to give her life even when death may or may not have been in our future. WE GAVE HER LIFE and she changed our LIFE forever! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #111111; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10px; line-height: 10px;"><span class="pub_date" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; font-family: Baskerville, 'Goudy Old Style', Palatino, 'Book Antiqua', serif; font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: normal; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="pub_date" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; font-family: Baskerville, 'Goudy Old Style', Palatino, 'Book Antiqua', serif; font-size: 1.5em; font-style: italic; font-weight: normal; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="pub_date" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; font-family: Baskerville, 'Goudy Old Style', Palatino, 'Book Antiqua', serif; font-size: 1.5em; font-style: italic; font-weight: normal; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="pub_date" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; font-family: Baskerville, 'Goudy Old Style', Palatino, 'Book Antiqua', serif; font-size: 1.5em; font-style: italic; font-weight: normal; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">October 2, 2012</span></span><br />
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<a class="url entry-title" href="http://kokomotribune.com/obituaries/x354172921/Isabelle-Grace-Izzy-Groninger" rel="bookmark" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 33px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Isabelle Grace 'Izzy' Groninger</a></h3>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #111111; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 23px; line-height: 22px;">Sept. 17, 2012 - Sept. 22, 2012</span><br />
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Isabelle Grace “Izzy” Groninger, passed peacefully in the arms of her loving parents on Sept. 22, 2012, at CS Mott’s Children’s Hospital at the University of Michigan. Isabelle Grace was born at 5:21 p.m. Monday, Sept. 17, 2012, at St. Mary’s Hospital in Evansville.</div>
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So beautiful yet so delicate, like a butterfly Izzy fluttered into our hearts and made our lives that much brighter if only for a little while. During her four short days here on Earth, Izzy touched many lives and was loved deeply by family and friends. Although we only got to hold you for a little while Isabelle, we will love you and hold you in our hearts forever.</div>
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Izzy is survived by her parents, Adam and Angela (Renshaw) Groninger and her sister, Chloe; her great-grandmother, Alvessa Trevino and her grandparents, Thomas and Margaret Groninger and Frances Renshaw; along with uncles and aunts, David and Barb Renshaw, Jackie Renshaw, John Renshaw, Jill Osman, Philip and Amanda Groninger and by numerous cousins. She was preceded in death by her “Papaw,” Jerry L. Renshaw.</div>
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Visitation will be 4 to 8 p.m. Wednesday at Sunset Memory Garden Funeral Home. A funeral Mass will be at noon Thursday at St. Patrick Catholic Church.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-27315734517477661452013-09-15T19:32:00.000-05:002013-09-15T19:32:10.334-05:00What's happening?<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>No no no no...</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>What's going on? </i></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's taken me a while to get to this particular post in my blog. I said a prayer that I could do it. I just hope, with out proof reading it, that it is okay and there aren't many mistakes. I just can't re-read it now... maybe later... who knows. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Again, I thank ALL of you who've followed this journey with us. Thanks for your love and support! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Side note: after looking through all my notes I found the nurses name that was on duty this night. Her name is Christine Hicks)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By now it's Sept 22nd sometime after 2 am. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Christine kept coming back to check on Izzy, like she and all the nurses had done regularly. Only this time, I noticed it was a bit more frequent. I glanced at her monitor that we were shown, where it showed Izzy's heart rate and rhythm and to notice when the pacer was kicking in for Izzy. So you could see Izzy's heart rhythm and then different colored spikes (white spikes) where the pacer was working. Needless to say, I saw a LOT of white spikes. Just moments later, Christine came back from the desk and said she put in a call for the cardiologist to come take a look and adjust Izzy's pacer. I felt it.. felt that feeling of urgency, or something.. but I knew something wasn't right. So I began to "pack" away my things I had scattered about, why I did this I don't really know, but I just felt I needed to. I un-reclined my chair and sat in attention not sure of what to do. Looking up at the clock, seeing that it was nearly 2:30 and time for me to pump... I held off. There was no way I was leaving Izzy's side not even to pump! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A female doctor,a blond, showed up and introduced herself. She explained, after she spent some time messing with and adjusting Izzy's pacer, that Isabelle was not adjusting the the different settings very well and that the pacer was doing most of the work for her. She explained that she was going to keep working with it to see what she could do. There was a lot of bustling between her and the nurse, Christine.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It seemed like just moments later that doctor came back over to me and said this (which I will NEVER forget), "Basically, to be honest, what I am doing now, at this point, is preventing her [Izzy] from going into cardiac arrest." Then she said a few other things that I don't remember and was back to Izzy's side. Her eyes going from Izzy's monitor to her pacer and back and forth. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was in shock! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I stood up, got my cell phone hoping to GOD I could get a signal inside these walls I felt suddenly suffocated by, to call Adam. I walked away from Izzy's area towards a little cove that was near a window and had just enough signal to make a phone call. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I believe it was around 3 am now. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ring ... Ring ... Ring... "Hello?" Adam said in a groggy voice</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I said something to the effect of: You need to come back, now; something is wrong. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Without question, Adam said "ok, I am on my way" and before he hung up I said to him, </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"... honey, you need to <i>RUN</i> back, don't walk!" </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Much later, after talking with Tom, Adam did just that ... he <i>RAN</i>! Tom said he looked out the window and saw Adam running towards the hospital, so Tom knew something wasn't right.)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I walked back over to Izzy's area, now not wanting to go "in" to be next to her because there were so MANY people around her; I just walked past and into the hallway. Then I walked back into Izzy's area and just felt totally lost and unsure of what to do or where to stand. Next thing I know was there were 2 social workers at my side, one of them I believed was named Amber. They got me a chair that sat up really high so that I could be a eye level with everyone and everything. She was asking me about if I wanted a clergy member to come, or what I needed. I was in such a state of fear, shock, and felt totally lost that I didn't know what to say. But then I heard the blond female doctor "shout" to one of the many nurses there, "Get THE BOX" </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"The box? What box?" I am thinking in my head. Then I saw it once the nurse sat it down and opened it what the back side inscription read: "Cardiac Arrest" I felt the blood drain from my face! The social worker went over to where Izzy was then came back and said to me not to worry, that Izzy was NOT in cardiac arrest but they just needed something from the box. So that, for what it was worth, made me feel a tiny bit "okay". </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then I looked up and saw Adam coming down the corridor. When he approached and said, "What's going on?" that's when I fell apart. I did my best to explain what events took place after he'd left to go get some rest and to catch him up on what was happening. The social worker helped explain things too. The blond female doctor came over to us to tell us that they had done x-ray on Izzy's chest and heart and saw what appeared to be fluid around her heart therefore; they called to have a ultrasound machine brought in, but the first machine wasn't working so they were waiting on a different one to come. She went on to explain that if it was fluid, that they could intervene right now and get it off, but that there was no was she was stable enough for open heart surgery. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I remember Adam saying to me, after her arrived, something like... Honey, maybe Izzy's getting tired, she's just tired, she's fought so hard.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Between all the commotion over surrounding Izzy, the social working trying to get a priest to come and asking me who we'd prefer and <i>everything</i> going on I was beginning to just feel numb and could do nothing but cry. Adam was my rock and held me up doing what he could for me at the same time I am sure he felt totally numb and in shock too.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then I remember Adam rolling me over to another area that was not occupied by a baby, and he sat in a chair and had me facing him. He talked about Isabelle and what a fighter she's been and how proud we both are of her but it's like the doctors had told us earlier in the day about how they would keep doing everything they can for Izzy, and she's just tired. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Moments later, the one female doctor that visited Adam and I ... when Adam was trying to have his movie date with Izzy and reiterated what the male doctor had said earlier in the morning... came over to where Adam and I were sitting. She again, said that they were doing everything they can for Isabelle and that she recalled me stating that I had not held Izzy yet. She impressed upon the fact that she would like us to keep in mind everything we'd talked about earlier in the day and that<i> THAT moment</i> was upon us. She wanted me to be able to hold Isabelle <i>now</i>, to hold sooner rather than later. In other words she said, with out saying it, she wanted me to have the chance to hold my daughter while she was living. She was as consoling as she could be and walked away. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What could you even say at that moment? Nothing! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Adam and I just embraced each other, crying. Then looking into each others eyes, we knew what was going to happen. I heard Adam say "it" but I could say nothing, I had NO voice, NO strength, all I could do was look at him and in my<i> mind </i>agreed with him, and I tried to shake my head in agreement but again I could say<i> nothing</i>. Bawling uncontrollably, it was <i>ALL</i> I could do to stand up on my own two feet! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Adam's arms embraced tightly around my body, w</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">e walked over to where the hustle and bustle was going on over Izzy. All I saw were feet, I couldn't raise my head to see every thing going on.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"It's time, we want to stop, we want to hold our daughter." where the next words I heard. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">SILENCE rang out and very fast paced nurses and doctors began unhooking things and moving machines about and out of the way. I was sat down into a recliner chair and in one swift, fast motion, a nurse lifted Isabelle into air, still intubated and hooked to few other IV's and such, as another nurse rolled away her bed and they rolled me under her. They placed her in my arms and this was the first time I felt her body next to mine! Adam knelt right next to us. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Christine asked if we minded if she took some photos with a disposable camera, of course I said no, that it was fine. I am so glad and fortunate to have these photos today. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The one blond doctor that had been working diligently on Izzy, knelt down beside Adam and I, clearly she'd been moved by all this for it showed in her eyes and in eyes of everyone there that night. She placed the stethoscope on Isabelle's chest and nodded once and quietly said, "Her heart has stopped" and she looked up at the clock on the wall and said, it's 4:00 am. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Isabelle grew her angel wings. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The respiratory therapist made sure it was okay for her to remove Izzy's breathing tube. It was also the first time I ever saw Isabelle with out it! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The priest arrived and said a blessing and a prayer over Isabelle</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tom and Margaret were called as well as my mom, Frances. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We sat there for a while then we were moved to a large private room. It was here, that Tom and Margaret got to come in and bring Chloe with them. Christine and another nurse brought us anything we needed or asked for. They even brought in a cart with all these items on it for us to use at our disposal. It had everything from pens, crayons, paper, scrapbook like papers, tooth brushes and toothpaste, snacks, and even a blanket and many other items. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There wasn't much conversation between us all in the room. Chloe came over to me and I did my best to explain that the baby Mommy was holding was Isabelle, her baby sister. I didn't bother going into what happened or even explain that Izzy was our ANGEL now, I just let Chloe see her and touch her if she wanted to. I think she was more concerned about why everyone seemed to be crying. Eventually, she lost interest and entertained her self with graham crackers, a drink and walking about the large room. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was explained to us many times over, that there was absolutely no rush and that we can take ALL the time we wanted and needed to be with Isabelle. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After a long while, Tom and Margaret took Chloe back to the Ronald McDonald house to let her sleep more if she wanted and to feed her breakfast. So Adam and I spent the next several hours holding Isabelle. Christine and another nurse came in to remove Izzy's pacer wires and put a bandage over that spot and the area where her </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">peritoneal dialysis had been placed, and put a fresh diaper on her. Christine said she'd be back with some items so that we could bathe her. Christine helped me bathe Izzy and to cut the longest lock of hair for us to keep. All these precious moments were recorded by photos that Adam took.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We had to call Tom and ask him to bring "Izzy's Bag" from the room up to us so that we could change her into her "little sister" outfit. Christine did suggest that if we had an outfit we didn't want to keep, to dress her in it before leaving. So after her bath, we put her pink "little sister" outfit on and took a few photos, then changed her into a yellow, one piece jumper. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRJ-Rudepzfs5fnF0ls7Sd_tjlA75k1WANybSs9zv1urS09c5RV2vzc0CoK7VOaMc-RzKYb1-1fGDs4n-a4kx9eB1MyZAbVRJPy-M6PrKfe-rGwbhgZ3GyvJhNipuZmLYY4J1ygjl2Ufw/s1600/IMG_4990.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRJ-Rudepzfs5fnF0ls7Sd_tjlA75k1WANybSs9zv1urS09c5RV2vzc0CoK7VOaMc-RzKYb1-1fGDs4n-a4kx9eB1MyZAbVRJPy-M6PrKfe-rGwbhgZ3GyvJhNipuZmLYY4J1ygjl2Ufw/s400/IMG_4990.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFZ3QW4NsgjzurC9BLohzWQ5aAugqaRH4miwAN3ZFWR9A7WM421i_CxJsXSos_44s-gWW_wGSHIU1D1cVqBw3WVEY6lZLLAa6ohsCaFzh59AZGpvYpXMepMMUWrnFEl2felpXd6-c_W2I/s1600/IMG_5014.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFZ3QW4NsgjzurC9BLohzWQ5aAugqaRH4miwAN3ZFWR9A7WM421i_CxJsXSos_44s-gWW_wGSHIU1D1cVqBw3WVEY6lZLLAa6ohsCaFzh59AZGpvYpXMepMMUWrnFEl2felpXd6-c_W2I/s400/IMG_5014.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi9uEmL7zIvc7HONJQpEc58XIQGik2vPj2r-feuTNn7VWtRZEq28rh0bcJNK2aEGqRhp7CczdZa3Nx0U8Nt_LajVMwHTsHgRI4-lBWPFKYiPwqLAKhvRigLcNVJA-abOlneumROAAkcu0/s1600/IMG_5013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi9uEmL7zIvc7HONJQpEc58XIQGik2vPj2r-feuTNn7VWtRZEq28rh0bcJNK2aEGqRhp7CczdZa3Nx0U8Nt_LajVMwHTsHgRI4-lBWPFKYiPwqLAKhvRigLcNVJA-abOlneumROAAkcu0/s400/IMG_5013.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My attempt at making a heart around her feet! </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjERPHEbduQ3vHqogsXEBZTYs8Jbg0mIZhwWXCRakYfCi-pq7-WtUMwER-qrkYOnyhV-1-1Xlw29ugeQCROWvnbs5taWvFiCu4KE5QojA9OgiG2o-xov2Nyk_TaqTmgF71rcWVLsp1xLUE/s1600/IMG_5010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjERPHEbduQ3vHqogsXEBZTYs8Jbg0mIZhwWXCRakYfCi-pq7-WtUMwER-qrkYOnyhV-1-1Xlw29ugeQCROWvnbs5taWvFiCu4KE5QojA9OgiG2o-xov2Nyk_TaqTmgF71rcWVLsp1xLUE/s400/IMG_5010.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Daddy's heart is much better! </td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After her bath, Christine brought in a scale for us to weight her. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Isabelle's birth weight on Sept 17, 2012 = 5 lbs 13 oz</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> weight on Sept 21, 2012 = 8 lbs 12 oz</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> weight on Sept 22, 2012 = 9 lbs 4 oz.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Isabelle gained nearly 4 lbs in "water" retention !!!!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Adam asked if they could bring in a small baby isolette for us to put her in instead of laying her on the large, adult sized hospital bed. Christine got us one and said that she doesn't understand why they hadn't thought of doing this in the past and that she was going to make that recommendation for the future... she said it was a wonderful idea and thought! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By this time, a social worker named Jody had been in and out of the room answering any questions we had. She spent time with us, saying a prayer with us and then letting us spend some more time alone with Izzy. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It hadn't noticed until way after we'd been in the room for hours that it was decorated with butterfly decals! I couldn't help myself and had to have one to keep and one to give to Izzy later. I couldn't believe I was surrounded by these butterflies the whole time and didn't notice! Had I decorated a nursery for her, I'd planned to do it in butterflies. So needless to say, butterflies are like our "sign" from Isabelle now. SHE IS OUR BUTTERFLY!! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We swaddled Izzy up in a blanket, and I carried her over to the window to look outside, up into the heavens above ... knowing she was up there now, in peace, perfect health and she was now our precious, beautiful angel. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Another hard part of this day was the time we left. WE placed her in the isolette and I got into my wheelchair but didn't want to leave. Jody, the social worker stayed with us the whole time. I remember being wheeled out into the hallway, looking back in the room seeing Izzy in there, ripped me apart all over again. A nurse was brought into the room so that Izzy would not be all alone until "they" came to pick her up. Slowly, we made our way to the Mott's entrance. Adam went to get the car and Jody sat with me, in silence, providing me with a pat or rub on the back on occasion. She THANKED ME for letting her stay! I looked up at her and said, "No, THANK YOU Jody!" </div>
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Once in the car, it was as if we couldn't budge. We sat there for a few minutes, unable to leave this hospital. Once we started driving away we had no idea where we were going to go, we just needed a little bit to be alone, knowing Chloe was cared for... we drove off. It was well after 10 am ........</div>
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We went to a University of Michigan store to buy some Michigan apparel or whatever we felt like we "needed". I didn't CARE that my eyes looked like golf balls and that I'd been hit by a truck. I didn't care about much at all! </div>
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We made our way back to the Ronald McDonald house to see Chloe and make arrangements for going home or what ever came next. </div>
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I was so glad to not see any other residents at the house, I didn't want to talk about anything, I didn't want to talk at ALL! </div>
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Our lives ... FOREVER changed. A terrible pain ripped through and grasped our hearts and had no indication of ever letting go. A huge void, a horrible emptiness and "fog" encompassed every thread of my body. </div>
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This isn't happening... this didn't just happen. Isabelle, oh my sweet angel, how am I, how are we supposed to go on? </div>
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What are we to do now??????????????????</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-42086633214423640692013-09-08T18:06:00.000-05:002013-09-08T18:06:43.415-05:00Rough Night! <div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>Rough Night! </i></b></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After finally being reunited with Izzy and spending much needed time with her it was time for us to head out and try to get some rest.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Adam and I followed Tom and Margaret to our new "home" in the Ronald McDonald house. It was a very nice facility and I am grateful that it was available for us to use. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our room was nice, large enough for us all to fit along with Chloe's pack-n-play. There was one full size bed, one twin and a fold out cot. It was very basic, nothing fancy, but then who needs fancy when most of your time is going to be spent in the hospital anyway! I knew it would prove to be challenging for me sleep in a regular bed. It had only been 3 days since my c-section and I'd normally would just be getting discharged from the hospital, where there and when I stayed at Phil and Amanda's, I'd been sleeping in a "reclined" or more upright position. Laying flat after such and operation is nearly impossible, painful, and quite uncomfortable. I didn't have nearly enough pillows to prop my head and back up let alone prop up my swollen feet! Everyone fell fast to sleep everyone but me. Trying everything I can think of to relax and try to sleep, listening to Adam's ipod with soothing music wasn't helping either. Listening to everyone's rhythmic breaths and off rhythm snores was driving me nuts. I was beyond miserable and knew getting even a few hours of sleep was going to be quite a challenge! I, of course, had to get up and go out into the hallway to the shared bathroom. I looked at the tub and thought, "Humm... now I <i>could</i> sleep in there.... but... I can't because it's a shared bathroom between us and with the next door occupants." SIGH... back to the room I went, and attempted to situate the pillows and attempt to sleep. I laid awake most of the night, not only I was miserably uncomfortable; but also because my mind was 100% thinking about Izzy and I cried for her. I think pure exhaustion took over and at some point I dozed off. The next thing I knew, I heard rustling and moving and I am awake and <i>not</i> going back to sleep. I knew from that moment on that I have to find a new sleeping arrangement or "sleeping" in a recliner next to Izzy for as long as it took me until I felt that I could lay "flat" in a regular bed. So I made the decision to spend the night with Izzy, the night of the 21st, besides I just had a strong desire to be next to her which everyone understood. I didn't like that Adam couldn't stay overnight there with me too, but they only allow one person to be there "sleeping" in her area. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now on top of all that was going on with me emotionally and physically, my body (or hormones) suddenly decided that my milk should come in! The moment I laid my eyes on Izzy, I felt something happening, something that was <u>not</u> happening back in Evansville when the lactation consultant has trying to help me. So the brain <i>REALLY</i> does play a huge roll in breastfeeding! I was elated that now I could do something for Izzy!</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't think I'd ever be so happy about pumping!! So now by morning my chest was extremely tender I was in desperate need of a consultant to help me out because I had no supplies for pumping this breastmilk for Izzy and I wasn't about to just let it go to waste because I just knew I needed to do it <i>FOR</i> her for when she's able to have it. When we arrived to Izzy's floor, I immediately put a call in for a lactation consultant to visit me. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Good morning, Sept 21st! </i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once everyone was up and ready to go, we headed to the hospital. It was just a little 10 minuet walk from the Ronald McDonald house, which was very convenient! Margaret and Tom watched Chloe for us while Adam and I visited Izzy. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The lactation consultant made her visit and helped me out tremendously! She showed me where I needed to take my expressed milk, for them to hold it for Isabelle. She told me to try to pump every 3 hours and every little bit counts. So I did just as she instructed, unless my body told me otherwise! I forgot to mention too, that I'd been wearing an abdominal binder since I left Evansville to help restrict movement while we were in the car and since I'd been released early, they felt it would help .... which it did! So what I am trying to say here is that I was physically a hot mess of binders and a engorged, painful chest, exhausted and very emotional! A site to be seen.. ha ha ha! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One of Izzy's doctors, a male doctor, came to talk with us at Izzy's bedside. (I apologize for not remembering everyone's names too!) </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He was talking about Isabelle's condition and explaining that she was a <i>very</i> sick little girl. He said this MULTIPLE times and each time the word "<i><b>very</b></i>" was pronounced with a <i>certain</i> tone. He went on to say that many babies come to them with HLHS but rarely do HLHS babies come with the multitude of "issues" (for lack of a better word here)... that Izzy is presenting. Rarely do HLHS babies come to this <i>this</i> sick. They are unsure of what situations the extra material~the duplication~on her 8th chromosome may be presenting, nor do they understand why her kidneys are not working properly. Also, Izzy's heart rhythm is having difficulties maintaining NORMAL rhythm and until that can be resolved she cannot have her first open heart surgery. It's just too unstable. Every time her pacer needs to be adjusted, it throws off the balance of something else, which in turn cause more or less of this or that medication. EVERY great once in a while, Izzy could maintain a 'normal' (normal for her) heart rhythm. If you recall from my post in Sept 2012, entitled Second Trip to Michigan, Izzy in-utero had a concerning heart rhythm where her bottom ventricle would not beat in proper sync with the top atrium. This was STILL the case and why she had to have an pacer placed. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This doctor said they are ALL here to do what that can for Izzy for as long as she needs it. He explained that they have a board of doctors and nurses that discuss each patients case. He then went on to say words and phrases that didn't resonate very well with me or Adam. So he repeated himself SEVERAL times. It's not so much we didn't "get it" or "understand" his words, it's just that it wasn't something, I don't think, we were prepared to hear. I have, I believe, blocked this conversation from my mind, but I will do my best to try to explain what was said.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In essence he said that we need to keep in mind how sick she is and that they can only do so much and will continue to do what they can to keep her 'comfortable' and will only stop intervening if we tell them to. We must understand that we would NEVER have to make this decision on our own, that the team of doctors would re-evaluate daily and let us know how Izzy is and what is going on. That the team would help us in any decision we made and that we'd not be alone in this process. He talked about her quality of life being very uncertain with everything that is currently happening and that they cannot say when or if she'll be able to have her first and necessary heart surgery. He said that she is sedated to where she can't feel pain, so she is 'comfortable' and they will keep her this way (and again) that she is a <i>VERY VERY</i> sick little girl. With out saying it with words, we understood what he was conveying to us. He was very nice and had a great bed-side manner and I know this is never something any doctor wants to tell a patients family.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Needless to say, after he left, Adam and I did our best to keep it together. We told the nurse, that was in and out checking on Izzy during the doctors visit, that we needed to go out for some fresh air for a while. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We wanted to go some where we could find a peaceful quite and private place to let it all out and cry, scream, bawl or whatever it is we felt the urge to do. Some place was a garden, a place called an Arboretum but we were unsure of where this place was or how to get to it, but it didn't matter we needed to look for it! Adam quietly pushed me through the halls of the hospital as we both sobbed not caring who saw. He continued to push and pushed me up and down hills in my wheelchair out side to locate this garden, after we knew we couldn't find it on our own, we asked a passerby. Finally we arrived to this arboretum and it's exactly what we needed. Adam wanted to push me further and further in, but I knew it was not easy going over the gravel, dirt, and grass so I finally got him to stop and I'd do my best to walk to where ever we decided to "land". We walked among the gardens of flowering bushes (dying off) and plants and up a hill we found a nice shady area with a bench under a large tree. There we sat for a LONG LONG time. Silence and sobs, cries and sniffles, and more silence. We talked about Isabelle and how much we loved and adored her. We talked about how before she was even born, knowing her condition, that we might have to face difficult challenges and talk about things that were not going to be easy. We knew there was always understood that there was a <i>possibility</i> that Izzy might not make it; but we NEVER imagined it to be so <i>in our face</i> so early on in her life. We knew she was a strong fighter, but we were facing the fact that our Izzy was also tired, growing weak and was very, very sick....sicker than we'd thought. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We called Tom and Margaret to let them know what had occurred, where we were and that we just needed to be alone for a while. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Eventually we made our way back to the hospital and we wanted to buy Izzy something. So we searched and searched for the "perfect" something. We bought her a pink cap with M on it for the Michigan logo, and Adam found the perfect stuffed animal (I assume it's a Wolverine?) that is wearing a grey Michigan sweatshirt ~ it was the last one the gift shop had. We passed the chapel and both decided to stop for a moment. Now going through this pregnancy posed a challenge to me and my faith but I wanted to ask God to just help and pray for Izzy. There were blank note cards in the entrance for anyone to write a message on or a prayer request or whatever and then you could hang it from a clip attached to a string in front of a frosted window. After a few moments, I decided to write a note and I hung it up. I wrote a copy of it to keep for myself and I still have it ... somewhere. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We made our way back to Izzy and talked to her, and cried over her, and gave her her gifts. I put the cap on the stuffed animal and we placed it near Izzy. At the foot of her bed was a pink fleece blanket. It was handmade and donated by another mother who'd lost her daughter, Madison Rachel Lasley. All the babies had one of these special blankets. We didn't stay long, we needed to get back to Chloe and eat lunch. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">KISSES galore to Izzy... and off we went. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We talked more with Tom and Margaret and I called my mom to let her know as well, what has transpired and ask that she forward this on to everyone else, I, honestly, didn't have the strength to do it myself. I expressed to my mom that I really needed her to relay anything I told her that it was just very difficult for me keep it together and talk on the phone saying the same thing over and over and over, besides the fact that the reception in the hospital was near impossible to get. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After an early dinner, Adam and I wanted to get back to be with Isabelle. I went a head and packed a small bag to take with me since I would not be returning back to the Ronald McDonald house for the night. Adam took his computer so he could have a movie date with Izzy and watch Tinkerbell with her. We got settled in, I went to the lactation room, again, while Adam began his movie with Izzy. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then another one of Izzy's doctors came up to introduce herself and talk about Izzy. She was nice, live everyone there was, and she was very concerned for Izzy. She reiterated the known fact that Izzy was very sick and that her kidneys were not working. She asked if I had been able to hold Isabelle yet, and I of course I had to tell her no. She went onto explain like the doctor that visited earlier in the day, that they will continue to do what's necessary for Izzy and they are doing everything they can now, but they are topping her out on the medications that she is on and she's not getting better. Her heart won't stay on rhythm on its own for very long, if at all, and they have to constantly adjust her pacer. She kept saying, without really every <i>SAYING</i> it, that we needed to keep all this in mind and know that she's fighting, but is tired too. She kept saying that she wanted me to be able to hold my baby.... she was again implying that she wanted me to be close to her incase things took a turn for the worse. She didn't have to <i>SAY</i> the words, we understood what she was getting at CLEARLY. She said a lot, but I can't recall it all anymore, again... I have blocked a lot of it out but I can recall images and surroundings just fine. I do know that Adam had heard enough, and went back to Izzy's bedside to continue the movie. We'd talked earlier about how we didn't want to talk about this "stuff" in front of Izzy, yet here we were; and there I was.... still in conversation with the doctor, something I look back on now, and wish I'd never done. We should have gone away from her bedside area into a different location, just like Adam and I had agreed upon. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Needless to say, I had to apologize to Adam for doing exactly what we talked about NOT doing and I apologized to Izzy as well. Telling her I love her and that she's my brave little fighter and that I am so proud of her. I told her she had more heart than some people that have been living for years. She's touched the lives and hearts of everyone she's been in contact with. I also told her that Mommy and Daddy love her SO MUCH and we will forever; but that if she was tired, I understand, and I am not upset and that I am so very proud of her. Now, yes I was upset but not at her... I didn't want her to think I'd be upset with her for not ... continuing the hard fight. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While Adam was still there, I decided to go back to the lactation room. After I returned, it was nearly midnight and Adam decided to try to go back to the Ronald McDonald house to get a little sleep. Before leaving, he gave me a kiss and gave kisses to Isabelle and "tucked" her in for the night. Little did I know, I'd see him again sooner than I thought! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I looked up at the clock and keeping track of when I last pumped in a note book and mentally thought and counted the hours for when I needed to go back, it would be around 2:30 am or quarter till 3:00 when I'd head back to pump again. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Isabelle's nurse check to see if I needed anything, and gave me a menu because I could order a meal for free since I was staying there with Izzy. She also got me a few warm blankets too. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I reclined the chair and tried to relax, but couldn't. So, I got my computer out attempting to catch up with emails and people on Facebook asking how things were going and I was just reading or trying to read the many posts of well-wishes from so many people. It was very emotional and overwhelming that there was no way I could respond to anyone or update anyone on how things were. So, I just shut my computer and watched Izzy. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Things were about to change..........</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-1539836512284452012013-09-03T20:02:00.002-05:002013-09-03T21:04:15.245-05:00Left behind<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Meanwhile</span></i>...</b></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's quite difficult to watch your fragile newborn baby being "taken" away; knowing she was about to take her first plane ride... without either of her parents, but we trusted she was in good hands. After the flight crew left, Adam and I were taken back to our room and reunited with Chloe. Adam and Chloe went back home to get much needed rest. I dozed on and off between the nurses visits checking my IV and giving me pain meds. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I do believe it was quite late on the 17th that Adam called his parents to tell them the latest news on Izzy. It was 1:30 am when Tom and Margaret grabbed their bags and head to Mott's hospital so that they would be there or soon after, so that Izzy wouldn't be all alone until we could arrive. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They arrived to Mott's around 5:30 am on the 18th and didn't get to go back to see Isabelle until 7:30. I am not sure what time Izzy actually arrived to Mott's. I recall Margaret tell me that she scanned the room, but knew immediately which one was Izzy once she laid her eyes on her. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I will FOREVER be grateful for their choice in driving to the hospital that night Izzy was born! </span><br />
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><b>Sept. 18th:</b></span></i><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The next day my OB doctor, Dr. Schroeder, came by to check on me and let me know she'd probably keep me for at least one more night and go from there. She understood how badly I wanted to be released early to take the trip to Michigan, but she also had the responsibility to care for me... as her patient. Knowing I wouldn't be released the very next day after a c-sesction was no surprise to me, but it was still disappointing to hear! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Other visitors came by as well, a hospital Chaplin, a Nun from a local church visited for a while and the lactation consultant came by as well. I knew I wanted to try to pump breast milk for Isabelle if I could, I just wasn't sure my body was up for the task! I did try, but with NO result, just a lot of pain. The consultant came by several times that day to see how I was getting along. She was so kind and patient. She sat and talked with me about Isabelle and she understood my frustrations on not being able to provide my milk for Izzy; when at this point, it's all I FELT I could do FOR Izzy as her Mommy when everything else was out of my control, leaving me feel so helpless. I was so upset that my body wasn't "working" or cooperating as I'd hoped, but had to try to not let it get to me too bad because that wasn't helping matters either. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Later that day, Adam, Chloe and Amanda and Zac showed up. I was so happy to see my sister-in-law and Zac. Amanda said she just couldn't do NOTHING so she told her husband she was packing up the truck and heading down to Evansville to at least try to help in anyway she could. Even if it was to just help out with Chloe. She was a life saver in more ways than she'll know! Adam still needed to get the car packed up and ready and that could have been challenging enough on its own ... not to forget having to entertain and care for a one and a half year old all on your own, along with all the emotional stress he was under!! So after they stayed and visited for a while, Adam, Chloe, Amanda and Zac headed back to our apartment to pack up and let the kids play and hopefully get Chloe down for a nap! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Later that evening, Adam returned alone to stay with me overnight. It was nice having him near me like that. Even though he didn't have to stay, I am so glad he did! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i><b>Sept. 19th: </b></i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am pretty sure I have this right, but on this day, the 19th, Adam received a phone call from one of the doctors at Mott's. He needed permission over the telephone to do a surgical procedure on Isabelle. They needed to put a external pacemaker (a pacer) in/on her for her heart. She was, like she did en-utero, having difficulties keeping a steady heart rhythm. There were also concerns about Isabelle's kidney function. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I also discharged today!! It was with strict instructions from my doctor to stay on top of taking my pain medication and that we stop every 2 hours or 3 at the most, so I can get out and "walk" (as best as I could) to keep the circulation going in my legs. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We headed back to the apartment to get the car packed up and Amanda helped me out with re-packing Chloe's suitcase. I couldn't do much of anything, it took all I had just to walk up and down the stairs! We didn't waste much time and whatever was left behind we'd just have to deal with later. We decided instead of making the 9 hour trip all at once, it would be best to cut our trip in half and spend the night at Phil and Amanda's home in Carmel. It would allow me to get my feet elevated and rest as directed by my doctor. For the entire trip, I sat in the back of the car with the front passenger side seat folded down forward with pillows propped up on it so I could keep my feet up as best l as I could. Just like with my c-section with Chloe, this one too caused a LOT of swelling in my legs, ankles and feet. I also made sure to keep right on track with the pain meds, we knew this car ride was going to be quite uncomfortable and painful! Whew... that's no joke either! BUT, when you have no choice, you just got to do what needs to be done! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once we arrived to Phil and Amanda's home, I pretty much camped out in their recliner and that's where I stayed until we left the next day to head to Kokomo before we went on to Michigan. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>Sept. 20th:</i></b></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So today, we headed towards Kokomo, I wanted to stop and visit my Mom. Then we went onto St. Joe Hospital to see all my old friends and co-workers before we left town towards Michigan. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mom told me, while I was on the phone with her from our apartment in Evansville, about a person who wanted to remain anonymous. This person wanted to purchase a plane ticket for me to fly to Michigan so I'd get there faster. While I appreciated this generous offer, I declined for a couple of reasons, one being I doubt I would have been allowed to fly in my condition. The other was that I wanted to be with Adam and Chloe, it was important to me. When I arrived to my Mom's later that day, she informed me that this anonymous person wanted to still do something for us and gave us a gift. It was a very generous gift along with a book, "Guess how much I love you". I just wish I knew who this person was, for even today, I still don't know who they are. I had to send my Mom a thank-you card to forward onto this anonymous individual! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then we went to St. Joe. I couldn't hold my tears back the second I laid eyes on all my old co-workers & friends. It felt so good to finally see everyone. They all knew of Isabelle's heart condition and were praying for her and us daily. As it was for us, it was a shock to them as well that Izzy came early! So many gathered around, gave hugs and well wishes and shared tears with me. I was also given another generous gift from a huge group of them and some others gave me gifts as well, it was all so very overwhelming and touching. My heart <i>FELT</i> everyones love! They will always remain my "work" family! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We ate lunch with everyone and then left for Michigan. </span><br />
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Overwhelmed by their generosity!<br />
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Emotions were all over the place!! <br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Back on the road again. The drive to Michigan was as expected ~ painful! I could literally FEEL every bump in the road, every pot hole and I could tell when the pain pills were wearing off. We stopped just like we were instructed so we could stretch out our legs. It's not fun climbing in and out of a car after a c-section, nor is walking on legs and feet that feel and are 3 times the size they should be! It was a "quite" ride for the most part. I know Adam was anxious, worried, stressed and just ready to BE THERE already! Chloe did really good in the car and I am SO thankful for that! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We did get a call from another one of Isabelle's doctors telling us that they were concerned about her kidney function. They needed to intervene and place her on peritoneal dialysis. Here's a definition from the Mayo Clinic:</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #54585a; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">Peritoneal dialysis (per-ih-tuh-NEE-ul di-AL-uh-sis) is a way to remove waste products from your blood when your kidneys can no longer do the job adequately. During peritoneal dialysis, blood vessels in your abdominal lining (peritoneum) fill in for your kidneys, with the help of a fluid (dialysate) that flows into and out of the peritoneal space. (photo: <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/medical/IM04513" target="_blank">http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/medical/IM04513</a>).</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">We arrived to Mott's just after 6 pm on Sept 20th. Tom and Margaret were there at the entrance waiting, with a wheelchair in hand, for us. We got Chloe out, put her in her stroller, got me in the wheelchair and waited for Adam to get back from parking the car. We checked in at the desk, got our ID badges and headed up to see Isabelle. Neither Adam or I can remember why we couldn't go right back to see Izzy, but we had to wait... and wait ... and wait. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">We went to a waiting area where Margaret introduce us to another family who was waiting for their son to get out of his surgery. He had HLHS as well, and was having his second procedure done (If I recall correctly). She was showing me photos of her son, talking to me and honestly, I don't recall much of anything. I was just a bit overwhelmed, tired, in pain, and wanting to see my daughter and couldn't get my mind off of her. It seemed like and eternity really but we finally got to go back and see Isabelle for the first time since she left our site on the eve of Sept 17th. I've never felt more anxious in my life! It was just Adam and I that went back with the nurse. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">It was a moment I wish I could freeze in time. I wasn't sure how I would react upon seeing Isabelle laying in her bed hooked up to all this "stuff". To my surprise, I did not cry, at first anyway. I couldn't get out of that wheelchair fast enough! </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">I FELT WHOLE AGAIN! </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">Seeing Izzy, made me relax and I felt a sense of "relief" to finally be by her again. Adam and I went straight to her bedside and said our hello's and gave her gentle pats and kisses. The nurse on duty that evening was so kind and so helpful. She explained EVERYTHING that Izzy was hooked up to and why. She was very empathetic to us. Eventually, my tears could no longer be retained and I had to let them out and the nurse shed a few with me as well. She's grown "attached" to Izzy and said she's a little fighter. That nurse spent a good 30-45 min (or maybe even more) talking with us and explaining or re-explaining and answering all our questions. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">We did ask about bringing Chloe back to see her as well. The nurse explained that Chloe would be just fine, she'd be more interested in all the lights and sounds than anything else. So, Adam went to get Izzy's big sister and introduce them for the first time. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chloe's first time meeting Izzy!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Touching her tiny toes! </td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just as the nurse had explained, within a few minutes, Chloe was more interested and intrigued by the lights and machines that surrounded her. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After a short while, Chloe went back to Nana and Papaw so that Adam and I could say goodnight to our sweet princess.</span> </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Good night sweetheart, we'll see you in the morning! </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwAU9YiYV9Qo0OI7prAs0a45HZnWOqNh3OxFbB-F1-zMwsfHPgWpISLU4qNCZpZyHBpJHQLDYiLh0Gj3QwP2XtjJS3pxTHNiy6jd3oQJtM1JYSOtrHbtZfz1D7qU1RQUBjzG7FRJK8DLk/s1600/IMG_4862.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwAU9YiYV9Qo0OI7prAs0a45HZnWOqNh3OxFbB-F1-zMwsfHPgWpISLU4qNCZpZyHBpJHQLDYiLh0Gj3QwP2XtjJS3pxTHNiy6jd3oQJtM1JYSOtrHbtZfz1D7qU1RQUBjzG7FRJK8DLk/s400/IMG_4862.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Isabelle with her Michigan Life Flight Teddy bear with it's wings! </td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-13831913580234375202013-08-17T23:30:00.001-05:002013-08-17T23:30:28.240-05:00She's so tiny! <div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Sept. 17, 2012</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The nurses came to my room to take me to see Isabelle. Adam stayed behind to watch Chloe and said that he would go later. So off I went. As the nurses pushed me along in my bed, the ceiling lights passed over my head, I felt the heat set in on my face again. I was afraid I was going to get ill again; hoping it would pass quickly, I <i>really</i> wanted and needed to see my baby girl! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The NICU doors opened, they turned my bed to the left then again to the right and we stopped. There she was, our sweet Izzy .... she looked SO tiny! She weighed 5lbs 13 oz and was 18 inches long. <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJmtRubl4h5my6-ycDJ8G4Y5DMvjJNE15DBx2Y3jgeSpGdSjytyDCwPSFuM2CyjfZ2ojpRlV3ZBcE-Yf3v6Q75S0gWWjAV5vbcC_C0CXRo2mWD2Hc4OiWyOgerjtS2778XIn5IMNki-6c/s1600/Izzy'sfootprints.+jpg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJmtRubl4h5my6-ycDJ8G4Y5DMvjJNE15DBx2Y3jgeSpGdSjytyDCwPSFuM2CyjfZ2ojpRlV3ZBcE-Yf3v6Q75S0gWWjAV5vbcC_C0CXRo2mWD2Hc4OiWyOgerjtS2778XIn5IMNki-6c/s320/Izzy'sfootprints.+jpg.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Izzy's tiny foot prints</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All I could do was smile at her, which surprised me, I thought I'd be a basket case! A nurse told me that I could touch her tiny feet, but try not to rub them because for some "preemie" babies it is irritating to them because of their delicate skin, so I held her feet and lightly patted them. What I <i>REALLY</i> wanted to do was hold her close to my chest, cuddle her and kiss her head. I brought our little camera along with me, not sure if I would even use it but a nurse came over and offered to take some photos of my "reunion" with Izzy. I was a little reluctant, but she knew best... she said that I'd really appreciate the photos later. She was 100% correct! </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkGHeVYlzQARwjJEgZd1jD0_020FCLfjWW5-_7kTd4-SyKgSusEnzhHAkKphxEYZFEmyQQeQnj30o3uNwvbm7bD3aji7cFDvqI8Ve9jnrYKTSZZvcoAAtYshu-8EiYTWMyGzP-VyAEKhI/s1600/IMG_3758.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkGHeVYlzQARwjJEgZd1jD0_020FCLfjWW5-_7kTd4-SyKgSusEnzhHAkKphxEYZFEmyQQeQnj30o3uNwvbm7bD3aji7cFDvqI8Ve9jnrYKTSZZvcoAAtYshu-8EiYTWMyGzP-VyAEKhI/s400/IMG_3758.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mommy's first look at Izzy</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHj3vom8SJTPCS8mnR4XgXuzgeLSMNAZIaTXcUwcMeQ0Q0OB888QQ4xCaabh4NyQ3UW6wd0C_tjjyaR78RkxyinpGOu9njLZZAx8djNf-jipeJggjVGcBPm4raMd3tXPhSy5NtNZ9-mag/s1600/IMG_3754.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHj3vom8SJTPCS8mnR4XgXuzgeLSMNAZIaTXcUwcMeQ0Q0OB888QQ4xCaabh4NyQ3UW6wd0C_tjjyaR78RkxyinpGOu9njLZZAx8djNf-jipeJggjVGcBPm4raMd3tXPhSy5NtNZ9-mag/s400/IMG_3754.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mommy & Izzy</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>After looking at her photos over and over, I noticed from the very first picture of her taken right after she was born to just hours later in the photos above, she already had gained weight from fluid retention, but that's my personal opinion. </i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am not sure how long I stayed next to Izzy's bedside, holding her foot, talking to her and just in Aww of her. What I wouldn't have given to be able to stand up and touch and kiss her head that night! I recall the nurses saying they'd better take me back, they must have noticed something before I did about myself. I was REALLY warm and just thought it was emotions or hormones! Well, we didn't even get out of the NICU and I asked for a basin and another cool rag because I wasn't feeling well at all!! I just laid back in my bed, with the cloth on my head and shut my eyes for the ride back to my room. Honestly, I don't even remember going back to my room, or talking to Adam about Izzy or anything. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The next thing I do recall was when some of the nurses came to our room with another nurse to sit with Chloe, because the flight team had arrived and were prepping Izzy for her flight. They wanted us to come down to the NICU for the entire process and to see our daughter before she left. I remember it being VERY late, it seems like it was after midnight, but I am not for sure. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(As I mentioned before, the weather did not corporate very well the day Izzy was born. It is why WE could not be life-lined too Ann Arbor, nor could the flight crew coming to get Izzy could take a helicopter. The life flight crew, as I understood, took a winged aircraft, then by ambulance to the hospital. This was the way they would ALL go back as well. Our sweet Izzy was going to ride in her first airplane!)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We entered the NICU, this time I was being wheeled straight in and around to the left, so I was facing Izzy the opposite was as I was before, but not next to her bed. This is because the flight crew was there and had the transport isolette that Izzy would be placed in. They worked diligently, buzzing from here to there checking monitors, listening to Izzy's heart, disconnecting this tube or wire and reconnecting it with another. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7DX7hRtl2jo9v5gpVOY1VO01SEQvEJDs6exIrq4cn3PaG-XU8PObOtJYxYTaaivQk7fBkoPBiN6k9FW5qSmZ-bof-ppz9B7aatuKgb2Lz_TLZQHanC9u8yndzSkNFcavEjLqyFqozChA/s1600/IMG_3766.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7DX7hRtl2jo9v5gpVOY1VO01SEQvEJDs6exIrq4cn3PaG-XU8PObOtJYxYTaaivQk7fBkoPBiN6k9FW5qSmZ-bof-ppz9B7aatuKgb2Lz_TLZQHanC9u8yndzSkNFcavEjLqyFqozChA/s400/IMG_3766.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihFFGN416lWu1bfWPyMkjBDKzgnTbNDfTwAuIENmfwajwCIZq_ctO4Uc6_ph_bLvnELkXWsETV4__I6DnbNA5pVxfLWfXhBNa6XaAJLt3P5gBUtyFXqMsUNetuoDaJ6b_Ev7lnt2cxx7I/s1600/IMG_3760.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihFFGN416lWu1bfWPyMkjBDKzgnTbNDfTwAuIENmfwajwCIZq_ctO4Uc6_ph_bLvnELkXWsETV4__I6DnbNA5pVxfLWfXhBNa6XaAJLt3P5gBUtyFXqMsUNetuoDaJ6b_Ev7lnt2cxx7I/s400/IMG_3760.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This time, and his first time, Adam got to go up to her bedside and talk to her, touch her and let her know we're all here for her and that we love her so. It wasn't easy to watch from afar, nor was it easy to see the tears in my husbands eyes. I remember Adam's back facing me as he leaned on and over the warmer Izzy was in and one of the flight crew members came around to his side and put his arm across Adam's shoulders, giving him encouraging words and support (I am almost that's what this crew member was doing). Again, one of the NICU nurses was snapping photos and literally printing them off right there for us. I am sure this was an experience they'll never forget as well. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4NxvP0aKfwEtYjH6-IRhCtIz5KKkkrNt76GEmstOncKABsHtcpY3ijE7jFjkau1D6uIlJVKkxfgZg9hG57-praUBUrEfL2eHBBRdcHlmYuWsGy04fTucdsHHnuLZGSYFLUXFwDha1tLY/s1600/IMG_3765.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4NxvP0aKfwEtYjH6-IRhCtIz5KKkkrNt76GEmstOncKABsHtcpY3ijE7jFjkau1D6uIlJVKkxfgZg9hG57-praUBUrEfL2eHBBRdcHlmYuWsGy04fTucdsHHnuLZGSYFLUXFwDha1tLY/s400/IMG_3765.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Daddy's First time seeing Izzy! </span></td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdfa3nqJDfLvvpTL3WrbY34zwQx5AePZhJ7F9q3_Akf_i1Nr1pC-y_3e6WIdCEmRUyi3VcUzQJdROHrmxs3-CSZNOLhS8j2k-xXfdwXJygBBeZ1miPIqxppVMe8mjgzKLA0Bn_ch3fVns/s1600/Scan+2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdfa3nqJDfLvvpTL3WrbY34zwQx5AePZhJ7F9q3_Akf_i1Nr1pC-y_3e6WIdCEmRUyi3VcUzQJdROHrmxs3-CSZNOLhS8j2k-xXfdwXJygBBeZ1miPIqxppVMe8mjgzKLA0Bn_ch3fVns/s400/Scan+2.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZx381Y1yLCCYp7gGkAUIGHGt1Xef4X6uZHTSOxjH_rztaDsGuN6zikqmeDbm25pw1ZVECRxa1uheqfVtsnL5fS3BXOIOi6vevF0NvCuCrAMqnpGvM9VBkkaIa4XnYWeBGTwC3OGx6IAY/s1600/Scan+4.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZx381Y1yLCCYp7gGkAUIGHGt1Xef4X6uZHTSOxjH_rztaDsGuN6zikqmeDbm25pw1ZVECRxa1uheqfVtsnL5fS3BXOIOi6vevF0NvCuCrAMqnpGvM9VBkkaIa4XnYWeBGTwC3OGx6IAY/s400/Scan+4.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then Adam came back over to my bed side, and we both could do nothing but watch, cry, hope and pray. It is hard to watch your baby like this. It makes one feel so helpless. Again, another flight crew member came over to us, reassured us that they will take GREAT CARE of her, that's she's in good hands! I can't explain how thoughtful that was, that WE.. the parents are ALSO remembered and cared for by this talented, and special group people. </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii-Tq13MHnLx1-_rUIYniUC-RvSRUQBKmnHOpl4N6gQs2PwTn24coKSa082eNBOh4T5_NtuNw-QeDhqCjskxWPqxG4e58Pk7j_d2bMB2quOTqZBI-SAmuIc9egndD2rkkkewtu-8RM1mk/s1600/IMG_3759.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii-Tq13MHnLx1-_rUIYniUC-RvSRUQBKmnHOpl4N6gQs2PwTn24coKSa082eNBOh4T5_NtuNw-QeDhqCjskxWPqxG4e58Pk7j_d2bMB2quOTqZBI-SAmuIc9egndD2rkkkewtu-8RM1mk/s400/IMG_3759.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here you can see one of the flight crew members by my bedside<br />
telling us they are going to take GREAT care of her! </td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Transfer to her isolette</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After taking great measures and care, they moved Isabelle to her new isolette for her trip to C.S Mott Children's Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Izzy did not like the transfer very well, so one of the flight crew members got on the phone to someone to give them vitals, and reading of other things going on to get her re-stabilized before they left. There were so many things to look after and watch that if more of one drug was given that in turn would set an alarm of on a different problem then they had to decrease or increase another drug, so it took a lot of meticulous detail, time and care to get it JUST right! Once it was okay to leave, it felt like they left at lighting speed. Izzy was now on her way and my heart and I am sure Adam's as well, went right along with her.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I felt so helpless and wished I could have flown back to Michigan with her! </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-73899104892299265672013-08-10T17:27:00.000-05:002017-04-30T16:12:11.646-05:00The eve of Sept. 17, 2012<h2 style="text-align: center;">
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Monday Evening</span></h2>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Isabelle will arrive tonight! </span></h3>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As I sat there in the hospital bed of my "delivery" room, I worried about everything! I worried about Adam leaving safely in a panicked rush from his job to be by my side and to care for Chloe. I worried about Chloe getting lunch and her needing to take her nap because I knew we were facing a long stressful evening. I worried about Isabelle, unsure of what was going on and <i style="font-weight: bold;">why </i>this was happening! WHY? I couldn't HELP but worry by this point! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My nurses would come in to check on me, and to check on all the other important things they needed to do. Once they received my full record and got a better understand for themselves as to what was going on and learned about Isabelle's heart condition, I could almost <i>feel </i>their concern and worry. Every once in a while they'd come in to check and see if I or Chloe needed anything and told me that my doctor, Dr. Schroeder, was on her way to see me. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The door opened again, only this time it was Adam and I felt so relieved to see him! It was in that moment of seeing Adam, I could feel the "lump" in my throat form and the tears beginning to fill my eyes. I can't recall exactly what I said to him, but like any mom I shared my worries about Chloe getting what she needed. As far as me and Izzy, we were still unsure of what was going on or what was going to happen. I just remember feeling so much better once Adam was there. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">At some point, Dr. Schroeder came into the room. She was obviously quite concerned and expressed to us that Isabelle must be delivered tonight. Dr. Schroeder had been watching the monitors out at the nurses station, I assume, because she commented on how even since my admittance, Izzy's condition has declined ~ that her "scores" were low. So she was going to be making phone calls to Mott's in Michigan to get their opinions and thoughts on what we should do. She even made the comment that she'll deliver me here, but she'd rather not, just because of the extensive care Izzy was going to need. She said she'd be back in a little bit to tell us what was going on. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Evansville had been experiencing lower than normal rainfall amounts for 2012, that is until September 17th. I even looked it up on the web (weatherspark.com) and here's what it said, "</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgba(0 , 0 , 0 , 0.699219); font-family: "lucida grande" , "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">The day with the <em style="font-style: italic; font-weight: inherit;">largest quantity</em> of precipitation was <span class="time" style="color: #333333;">September 17</span>. That day saw <span class="unit precipitationAmount" data-value="56.3" style="color: #333333;">2.217"</span> of liquid (or liquid equivalent) precipitation, compared to a median value of <span class="unit precipitationAmount" data-value="4.82" style="color: #333333;">0.190""</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;">So, what's all the mean for us at this point? Well, Dr. Schroeder came back into the room and sighed a BIG sigh, and said that Mott's could not "take me" now because of the low scores Izzy presented during our BPP study earlier that day. Mott's wouldn't want something to go wrong mid-flight, nor could they send a helicopter because of the weather conditions but they would work on getting a team together to fly down by a "winged" plane to pick Isabelle up and take her back to Mott's. She also said that she called Riley Children's Hospital asking about me being transported there, and they also said no based on the BPP scores, it was just too risky; plus the weather was too bad. So, now you can see how the weather played into all this mix! THANKS Mother Nature!!!! So Dr. Schroeder said she needed conformation that we'd go ahead and do the c-section here, in Evansville, and she'd notify Mott's. Of course we agreed, what choice did we really have? Dr. Schroeder came back moments later to tell us that we'd be going back for the c-section once she was notified by Mott's that a team was formed and on their way here, to Evansville. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;">I can't recall the timeline of the above events, it all blurs together now. I do know that Adam had taken Chloe home to try to get her a short nap, and to RELOAD the car with our suit cases. Naturally, I was in the middle of changing out most of Chloe's suit case from mostly summer stuff to add some fall clothing, because the weather was much colder in Michigan than I thought it would be, and knowing we'd be in Michigan a while, I wanted some kind of warmer clothes for Chloe. I just told Adam to shut the suitcase and we'd deal with that all later. I felt SO BAD for Adam, I know he had to be under a TON of stress! Having to deal with all the suit cases, making sure he grabbed Izzy's suit case along with all the other "important" items and papers and repack the car after we JUST had unpacked it from our previous trip thinking that Mott's MIGHT just keep me there and deliver us then ~ back on the previous Thursday! On top of all that, I am absolutely certain he was worried Izzy and I; and he's having to call family to tell them what's going on ~ and he's alone! No family, no friends to call to have them come help us out during this crisis. Everyone we knew lived at least 4 hours away! </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;">Things just weren't going as we'd planned!! And of ALL DAYS... it's raining TODAY! </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;">Well, like I said, I can't remember the timeline of all the events, but I do remember having to call Adam and tell him to forget packing, they are going to be doing the c-section soon, as in the next 1/2 hour. I just remember crying to him, telling him "Forget packing, come back now". Next thing I know, in comes Adam & Chloe. They gave Adam these paper type surgical clothes to put on over his own clothes for the surgery. We looked at the nurses and asked about what we are supposed to do with our daughter? Who can watch her because we have NO ONE here that can. They said they'd find someone and not to worry. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;">They did, they found a sweet nurse who took Chloe by the hand to walk her to the BIG fish tank and just hang out with her. We said it was okay to give her what ever to eat, she's not allergic so do what you need to do to keep her happy and we thank them profusely!! </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmjWN_hLRVz0ghEpgoFco7vh4a5cCMupqxW1KpmA3H3Y_OfUuVNmrqFgI2O-xKTTyx_7MEuoPtZRY__YrWkXH-OyspzXRsGTd7y-O8rxUNoBbf7p55bxyIqgXkxX8W-SLareXAAYOw9zg/s1600/IMG_3731.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmjWN_hLRVz0ghEpgoFco7vh4a5cCMupqxW1KpmA3H3Y_OfUuVNmrqFgI2O-xKTTyx_7MEuoPtZRY__YrWkXH-OyspzXRsGTd7y-O8rxUNoBbf7p55bxyIqgXkxX8W-SLareXAAYOw9zg/s320/IMG_3731.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 17px;"> Chloe wasn't really thrilled about taking a photo!!</span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;">In tears by this point, I am taken back to the OR for my spinal. Compared to my epidural with Chloe, this spinal was a nightmare, and my epidural was no walk in the park either! After the anesthesiologist finally got it placed, at the VERY end it hit a nerve or something and my right leg, uncontrollably, kicked up straight into the air! THEN a horrible pain set in! It felt like from the tips of my toes to my rib cage the tingles from when your foot falls asleep, you know how some times that tingle sensation hurts a bit; well multiply that by 1000! EVERY single thing hurt, from them touching me, the sterile prep they were placing on my tummy to even "feeling" the sterile drapes being placed on my body! </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 17px;">Being a surgical technician, knowing what's happening behind those drapes makes things worse sometimes. THIS was one of those times. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 17px;">I was terrified the whole surgery was going to feel this way because this sensation lasted FOREVER! I remember Adam being brought in, I was crying, he was trying to console me and then that pain was gone. What a huge relief! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 17px;">IT WAS TIME! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 17px;">I heard the clinking of surgical instruments the other surgical "noises". The room was FULL of doctors and nurses all patiently waiting for Izzy to be born ~ yet it was SO quite! Before I knew it, I felt "the pressure" from when the nurse or surgical tech is pressing on my upper abdomen to help push the baby out and I knew Izzy was on her way and the tears began again. At 5:21 pm on Sept. 17, 2012 Isabelle Grace flew into our world! Then, there it was, the most beautiful sound in the universe ~ her tiny little cry; ohh so sweet, so fragile, and it was much too short! Whisked away to the warmer to be cared for and worked on ... and intubated. I recall asking (or telling) Adam to go get a picture of her quickly before they intubated her, but as I looked up at him, I saw his tears and he was shaking his head "no" ~ So I knew then... it wasn't a good time and I just shut my eyes and cried some more. But at some point, he must have gotten up to snap a photo of her, just after they intubated her and before they wiped her clean and wrapped her up. Then I remember a man, a Doctor, with a STRONG accent leaning down and telling me where they were going to go with Izzy and what they were going to do but he wanted me her adorable little face before they left with her. To this day, I have no memory of what he even said to me. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 17px;">Then he was gone in a flash, I must have panicked or something because I felt as if I couldn't not breath, or that I was beginning to suffocate and I just remember calling out for Adam. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 17px;">I don't remember much else, expect after I felt better, Adam left to go be with Chloe as they finished up sewing me back together and then I was back in a post-op room and there waiting was Adam and Chloe. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 17px;">Happy Birthday Sweet Isabelle Grace Groninger!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 17px;">9/17/2012 at 5:21pm </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 17px;">18 in long, 5lbs 13oz</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A quick kiss from Mommy!</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 17px;">Then it happened, I started feeling quite ill to my stomach! Oh-no, this is going to hurt I though to myself! Then Adam was at my side, trying to help me the best he could. I don't know what I would do with out this man in my life! He's ALWAYS there for me, I love him SO MUCH! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;">Unfortunately, during this indecent moment, the Chaplin knocked on the door and peeked into our room, seeing it wasn't a good time, he quickly left. Come to find out much later, he was there to tell us he was going to go see Isabelle and baptize her as we had requested. I have no idea what time it was at this point, but some nurses came into the room to take me down to the NICU to see Izzy. Adam decided to stay behind and stay with Chloe (she wasn't allowed in the NICU) and he'd go at a later time. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;">If I could have walked myself ... I would have RAN to her ... but instead, I had to be wheeled in my bed .... which felt like the longest trip of my life! </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;"><i>"Here I come Isabelle ... Mommy's coming ......"</i></span></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-9548456482560996992013-04-15T23:11:00.004-05:002013-04-15T23:11:54.530-05:00Mon. Sept. 17, 2012<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>Monday Morning</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's taken me many months to get to this point ~ the point of having courage and strength to come back and write. Let's see what happens . . . . and take a few baby steps!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But first, I want to THANK YOU, all of you, who have taken the time to read my blog and to share it with others. It really means something to me, so thank you! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The last entry was about our "final" trip to Michigan on Sept 13, 2012. We were given the green light to go back home and prepare to have Isabelle by a scheduled c-section on Nov. 10, 2012. A 10/11/12 birthday ~ how cool is that?!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We were still required to go to our weekly echocardiogram checks at Dr. Kumbar's office, as well as my weekly BPP study at Dr. Turnquest's office. A quick reminder on what a BPP (biophysical profile) is: that's when they monitor the baby for a 30 min period and during this time they are measuring things like amniotic fluid level, movement, baby's breathing etc... and it's scored. Any score below a 6 causes concern and will need to be further evaluated, which could potentially lead to delivery of your baby. (If anyone reads this and finds my information 'incorrect' please leave me a message so I can correct it, it's just they way I've come to understand it and after reading about BPP).</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was early Monday morning. I, still half asleep, met Adam at the front door to say bye, like I do every morning as he leaves for work. He reminded me that he left the ipod for me so I can use it to entertain Chloe during our BPP appointment later on that morning. We said our byes, and I crawled back into bed, hoping to get comfortable enough to be able catch a couple more hours of sleep before Chloe woke up ~ or the alarm went off ~ which ever came first! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I recall, I woke Chloe up to get things going so we could make my doctor appointment on time. I wanted to make sure she had a full belly so that if she was cranky, at least I could be assured it wasn't because she was hungry!! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was feeling a little nervous about our appointment. I remember telling Adam the night before (Sunday evening, before bed) that Izzy's movement's felt different. She was still moving around but just not with the same "<i>pow, pizzazz, and oomph</i>" as she had before. It wasn't, in my mind, something so alarming that I needed to go to the ER, she was STILL moving the "x" amount of times they tell pregnant mom's to monitor. So, that morning, feeling a little anxious about it, I decided to drink my FIRST coffee since finding out I was pregnant, and even then I could only bring myself to drink half of it! Isabelle was NOT a morning person. I was <i>NOT</i> expecting much excitement from her until closer to "lunch" except for an occasional little flutter here or there. I wasn't anticipating the big kicks and roll overs like she'd do later in the day during her aerobics session. So I thought maybe the caffeine might "kick-start" things for our BPP test. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Diapers and wipes actually <i>IN</i> the diaper bag; check. Fully charged ipod; check. Snacks, treats, sippy cup; check. BB (her favorite stuffed animal/mini blanket); check. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We were good to go! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I got Chloe loaded into the stroller and we made our way to the office and into the exam room. I made sure Chloe was all situated before I got myself settled onto the table for this 30 minute ultrasound. (Thank goodness Chloe knew enough about the ipod and how to pick a new Bubble Guppies episode once one was over!!)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I expressed my concern about Izzy's sluggish movements to the technician and how I drank 1/2 a cup of coffee hoping it would make her move. She said that was fine. As she saw from our last BPP, things looked great so maybe Isabelle was just running out of space now. I told her about our last trip to Michigan and how things looked good from their end too.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Okay, let go ahead and get started." she said as she placed the gel on my tummy. She checked the things she needed to check, commenting on how my amnio-fluid looked good and the heart rate looked 'good' (good for Izzy) and her breathing looked okay. She said she would do a few things to see if she can stir up some movement from Izzy. My eyes NEVER left the screen. I silently said a prayer and mentally talked to Izzy ~ just hoping for something, mentally saying, "Please just MOVE!" I remember the tech saying, "Well, she has 30 minutes to show us something." I remember trying to squeeze and contract my stomach and muscles in the hopes that would make Izzy move. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Still, nothing. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Her heart is beating, she's breathing... so why is she not moving? How bad can that be? What does all this mean? What happens next, what do we do to get her to move? I roll on to one side and then to the other side, as instructed. Still, nothing. Ticktock, ticktock, ticktock, and I saw the tech look at her watch. Now she's even started talking to Izzy, "come on girl, give me something... give me something, you've got about 15 min left. You can do it!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hooray .... she did it, she moved! We both saw it. Isabelle moved her arm from her head down to her side!!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was RELIEVED as I am sure the tech was too, but I could sense it still wasn't enough. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Time was up. The technician said she'd be right back and that she sent the video and information "out" (I assume to the doctor to view, I am really not sure, maybe for others to review it?)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The door opened, and in walked a nurse with a clip-board in her hand, and she sat down. "Well Angela, we are not liking what we are seeing here, so we are going to take you to the labor and delivery floor to have you monitored more." I must have had the deer in headlights look because she then said it again, that they aren't liking the lack of movement from Isabelle and the ..."her scores are really REALLY low, she only scored a 2 out of 8." I just remember stumbling for the words I wanted to say and what I was thinking and all I COULD say was, "I need to call my husband". </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I grabbed my phone, trying to find my husbands work number and I couldn't find it. The nurse got me a phonebook, she actually looked it up for me and called out the numbers for me to dial. A receptionist answered asking how she might direct my call. I explained to her my husband, Adam Groninger, was an RN at Covance and it was urgent that I talk with him and I was put on hold. Then a different woman answered, I believe she worked with Adam because she said, "hang on, they just paged him overhead, he'll be right here." </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He answered and I didn't know how to even explain what was going on. I explained I was still at my appointment and that I was going to hand the phone over to the nurse. She proceeded to explain to Adam what the situation was and that she was taking me to the labor and delivery (L&D) floor so I and the baby could be monitored. She handed the phone back to me and I really don't remember what I said to him, but I am sure I said something like, "Come as soon as you can, drive safe and I love you."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I gathered Chloe and was guided by the nurse to the L&D floor. They were all ready for me, with the exception of my <i>full</i> chart, they just had the report from my BPP study in hand. "Gee that was fast" I remember thinking! It wasn't until the OB nurse handed me a hospital gown and explained she would put the IV in and hook me up to the baby monitor after I changed, that is when I realized this was WAY MORE than "just monitoring" they way I knew it to be. I thought they'd just hook me up to the baby monitor for a while with my street clothes on and then we'd make plans accordingly. I either didn't realize how serious it was or I didn't want to believe that this was "it", Isabelle wasn't going to make it to Oct. 10th!! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I pushed Chloe into the bathroom with me so I could change into my hospital gown, I couldn't leave her by herself out in the room! She finally asked in her sweet little voice, "Momma, what you doing?" I just looked at her, I couldn't even answer her. I put my clothes into the "belongings bag" and pushed Chloe to the opposite side of the bed, away from the baby monitor and the IV poll and I crawled into the hospital bed. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here's my best recollection of my thoughts after I got my IV and had a few moments alone:</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"This is NOT happening ~ IT CAN'T, NOT HERE, NOT NOW! I can't BELIEVE this! We were JUST at Mott's just 4 days ago! I HAVE TO HAVE HER THERE, WE HAVE TO MAKE IT THERE! Adam planned and worked SO HARD to make sure we were ready for that trip! We were ready for the moments notice that if her heart rate would have changed, we were ready to get in the car an GO! Maybe they'll dismiss me and we can make the 9 hour trip or maybe they will fly me? I just know we <i><b>have</b></i> to get there.... Hold on Izzy, please, baby girl, we can do this!" </span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-37410292566779647102012-12-22T16:36:00.003-06:002012-12-22T16:36:53.708-06:00My Angel is 3 Months Old! <div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>Dec. 22, 2012</i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Three months today I had to "physically" let get go of my Isabelle. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She will forever and always remain in my heart. My arms feel empty and I still feel a bit lost. The pain is still very raw. Everything about my body is telling me that I should have a baby in my arms, even my mind tries to tell me this - but the reality of it all tells me something totally different.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Looking out the window the other day watching the leaves swirl around aimlessly reminded me of how I felt - like those leaves.</span><br />
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This is not going to be a "easy" Christmas for me. I am grateful for Chloe and my loving husband Adam - I am not sure how I would be without them.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This will be my baby's first Christmas in heaven!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Setting up a Christmas tree this year wasn't something I WANTED to do, but knew I had to for my daughter, Chloe. She needed to have that AWW moment when she got to see a Christmas tree all lit up. I decided to set it up while she was napping that way it was REALLY a surprise for her when she woke up - and it was! I am glad now, that my husband drug it out of storage and that I set it up; Chloe just loves to look at it, touch it and tell me what colors she sees. She brings the JOY of Christmas to me.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In my next few posts I will be "backing up" to the day we found out Isabelle had to be delivered.... to catch up so it, my story, our journey will make more sense. It, again, may take me some time but THANK you all for your patience, understanding and for following my blog! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL! </i> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-15130651153491028982012-11-28T23:57:00.001-06:002012-12-22T16:35:29.741-06:00<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>Patience<b> </b></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank you to all who have taken the time to read and who have followed my blog. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My up-coming entries aren't going to be easy and will take me time to write.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I thank you for your patience and hope you check back often.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-46077625958881253992012-11-18T16:21:00.000-06:002013-08-25T14:12:34.131-05:00September 13, 2012<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Final Check-Ups at Mott's</span></i></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our last trip to Michigan, Sept 13th, and our nerves are high!
Will they decide to keep me and monitor Isabelle or deliver her? If we deliver now, will her lungs be mature enough? Will we be sent back home? Is her heart rate and rhythm ok? Did I pack the right clothes for us all in case we have to stay? Did I pack what I needed and wanted for Izzy too? What's going to happen?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These are just a FEW of the tons of questions running through my mind along with the ton running through my husbands mind I am sure! </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kisses for Isabelle</td></tr>
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My mother-in-law, Margaret, took the trip with us this time. She got to see this massive hospital for herself. She was very impressed how each department we went to all treated us with great respect and patience. We NEVER felt rushed... WE were their only concern the whole time we were there. She KNEW we had chosen the right place for our Isabelle!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Chloe was glad to have a companion in the back seat with her too, it can be a very long 4 1/2 hour car ride for a one year old! </span><br />
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Our day started out with meeting the high risk OB doctors with my routine health check up. Then off to have our fetal diagnostic/ultrasound done. Izzy is growing quite well... this time she measured at about 5 lbs and some ounces (I can't remember exactly). I was shocked to hear that she was actually 5 pounds! At 35 weeks she's nearly as big as Chloe was when I had her (and she was a day late!) Isabelle must have known she was needing to "bulk up" for her big debut... she knew something we didn't evidently! This ultrasound caught me off guard, the tears began to flow like a water fountain. I think all the various emotions were just weighing on me and I couldn't hold it in any longer. Once again, the ultrasound tech was very kind, consoling and compassionate with me. Everything was looking good on the ultrasound and so it was off to the last appointment of the day to have the echocardiogram done of Izzy's heart. THIS is where we would more than likely be told if they are or are not keeping me. (GULP)</span><br />
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Mark, I believe was the name of the echocardiogram technician ~ he had been with us for each appointment and he was a kind & familiar face to see. These echo's take about an hour, so after a while Margaret took Chloe out for a walk and entertain her, poor girl was tired and probably sick of watching Bubble Guppies at this point! The other person who helped us out a lot was also there, Alicia Valentini, RN, MS, CPNP. She was always calming and would answer any questions we had or would find the answer to any question if she didn't know herself. She knew of our anxiety about wondering if we were going to have to stay or not. Once Mike was done with his scan he would leave to inform the doctor and given them his results. Alicia came back in before the doctor and wanted to ease our minds. She said she believed upon what she heard that things looked good!! Dr. Van der Velde came in to perform her own scan and then told us that same thing. "Things look good" ~ well good for Izzy's heart that is. It appeared like her heart rate was decent and that the rhythm was looking a little better on this day than it had even during our last echo in Evansville. But there's still signs of the rhythm being irregular, but there were no indications that I would need to stay to be monitored there or to have Izzy delivered early. We, "...should be good to go home..." was a welcome but also scary relief. Welcome in the sense that I knew my baby could grow a little more and get stronger inside me before she had to face everything coming her way; but scary because we were afraid we would make the trip back home, continue on with our routine weekly echos and BPP studies just to be told her heart rhythm was worse and we needed to go back before our actual due date of Oct. 11th, which is only 4 weeks away. We also did not want to have to deliver in Evansville. This is just one of the reasons we picked Mott's ~ knowing Isabelle and I would only be separated by a couple of floors ~ not by blocks or miles. If anything happened, I would only be an elevator ride away.</span><br />
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We also got to meet with Barb Shaltis, the social worker we'd been talking with on the phone for the last few months. She also played a huge roll in our lives during our trips to Michigan, helping us coordinate our overnight stays and helping us prepare for our long stay after Isabelle was born. We got to talk with her about concerns we had or other questions we had regarding our stay and any family that was planning to stay to help us out. We made plans to be put on the list to stay at the Ronald McDonald house. I asked her to help me have it set up so that when I had Isabelle, that we could have her baptized as soon as possible. I explained I wanted it done before any surgery were to be preformed on her and later that day, I received a voicemail from one of the pastoral care coordinators! </span><br />
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Getting the news we would be good to go home and that they would see me in 4 weeks settled the nerves just a little. I called my mom as soon as I could get a signal on my cell phone to tell her the news. She sighed in huge relief and then I heard her cry. The tears were from so much anticipation and waiting for me to call ... to hear and learn what was going to happen. I told her to call everyone else in the family to spread the news.</span><br />
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This is one tuckered out tot! </div>
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Adam & I</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is funny now, not so much at the time, but a funny thing happened to us on the way home. We stopped at a McDonalds in Fort Wayne, IN to take a potty break, change a diaper, and get something to drink for the rest of the ride home. We all loaded back into the car and the key wouldn't turn in the ignition barrel. Now, we had troubles with this in the past and eventually just left the spare key in the ignition without turning it all the way back to where the key would come out. It seemed to work just fine. Once in a while out of habit, we'd turn the key all the way back and take it out... then have to jiggle the key to get it to turn in the ignition. It was one of those, we'll get around to fixing it ... soon. Well that "soon" came sooner than we thought. Out of habit, the key was taken out and we were stranded. NOW.. of all times! You've got to be kidding me... WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW? After a LOT of debate, phone calls, people trying to help... we found we had no choice but for us to all get a hotel room for the night. We would get the car towed to the nearest car dealership that night and hope they could get the car in ASAP the next morning so that we could be on our way home again. Adam had to get back to work on Saturday, we HAD to get the car fixed! That's what happened ... the dealership got our car in as fast at they could and replaced the ignition barrel. Adam and I had to laugh when we got in the car, we were all excited about a shiny new ignition barrel... and then when we stopped to get out of the car we were afraid to take the key out! We even took turns turning the key, feeling how smooth it turned... no more jiggling the key! HA HA HA HA!!! </span><br />
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What an adventure... chalk it up to all the other ones! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Back on the road again.... </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-14201666793346501532012-11-18T13:13:00.001-06:002013-04-03T23:45:22.301-05:00Doctor Visits!<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>Doctors, Doctors, Doctors.</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's been a LONG time since my last post, so I will do my best to recall from memory what all has transpired, but it will more than likely take place over several different posts. Thanks for your understanding and patience. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Since our last visit to Mott's on Aug. 9th we had been to doctor appointments every week, sometimes twice in one week or twice in one day! It felt like that was all I was doing! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I went every Thursday to the cardiologist to have Izzy's heart looked at to monitor her heart rhythm as suggested by Dr. Van der Velde. So after our scan, we would meet with Dr. Kumbar and she would discuss the findings of the scan with us. Each time we sat there waiting... it felt like an eternity, making us more anxious by the second. We feared that she would walk in and tell us that we needed to go back to Michigan NOW to prepare for Izzy's delivery OR she would tell us we had to deliver in Evansville NOW. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We were afraid that Izzy's heart rhythm on the bottom chamber was lower than 60-65 bpm but with each visit Dr. Kumbar would tell us that the rhythm was remaining pretty consistent and there showed no signs of fluid building up around her heart. AHHH... big sigh of relief! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was our last visit with Dr. Kumbar on Sept. 6th, that we felt more pressure. Izzy's heart rate/rhythm was still like it was before but she said she wouldn't be surprised if, upon our next visit to Michigan on Sept. 13th, that they would just keep me there, monitor Izzy and if needed go ahead and deliver her. So we might want to prepare for that accordingly. Dr. Kumbar was concerned enough to make her feel like I wouldn't make it to my due date. This is something Adam and I had talked about and were concerned about and discussed how we felt about it if Michigan actually did keep me. I was concerned because if that were the case, I would only be 35 weeks along. I worried about Isabelle's lungs being ready for that.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was also going for another ultrasound appointment at my high risk OB doctor on the same day, Sept. 6th. It was here I told them about this horrible itchy sensation I was having ALL OVER my body. I never showed signs of a rash. I told them it felt like I was wearing a full body suit made of wool and lotion was not helping... oh I was so miserable. It got worse at night when I was going to bed, I felt like I was loosing my mind. They ordered a blood test on me to check that my liver function and bile acids were what they needed to be. Sometimes this condition known as Cholestasis can increase risk for fetal distress, preterm birth or stillbirth. With this, Dr. Turnquest ordered that I come in once a week to have a Biophysical Profile (BPP) study done on Isabelle. With this test, they monitor a baby's movement, baby's breathing and tone as well as the amniotic fluid volume. Each gets evaluated within a 30 minute period during and ultrasound and scored. If you get a score of 8/8 then everything is normal. Scores below 6 may indicate the baby is in distress and needs further intervention and possible delivery. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had my first BPP study done the following Monday (Sept. 10th). Adam was a work, so I flew solo with Chloe. Thank goodness for Daddy's iPod downloaded with Bubble Guppies... it kept Chloe entertained the whole time otherwise, that visit or any future "solo" visits could be quite ugly! I was told that my blood results came back normal, which surprised me AND the ultrasound technician. We both thought they would find something elevated causing my itching.... but this wasn't the case. So it's a mystery why I was so itchy! So I laid back for my ultrasound as they study Isabelle's movements and such. ALL GOOD.. she was kicking and moving and breathing just fine and everything looks good! She passed her test, the technician said, with flying colors! THANK GOD... finally something GOOD from a doctor visit!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now we prepare for our visit to Mott's for our last round of check-ups. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The nerves are on high alert! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Will they keep me or send me home? </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-53405046658602298082012-09-16T17:38:00.001-05:002012-09-16T22:06:30.532-05:00We Picked A Name!!!<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>She has a name!!</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Aug 30, 2012</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We have been going back and forth on several names for our baby girl! Whatever we picked one thing was certain for me... it had to have MEANING! We had narrowed it down to about 4 names and one day my husband came down with some paperwork for FMLA and had me look it over and that's when I saw it in print! He decided on her name!!</span></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Isabelle Grace Groninger</span></i></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think we will call her "Izzy" for short! </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-50866330021997488102012-09-16T17:31:00.000-05:002012-09-16T22:04:25.565-05:00Second Trip to Michigan!<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>Aug. 9, 2012</i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our second trip to Mott's Children's Hospital:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This trip was basically a follow up and a chance for us to get to meet the surgeon, Dr. Ohye who's skilled hands will be operating on our little baby girl.</span></div>
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<a href="http://mottchildren.org/profile/396/richard-george-ohye-md" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dr. Ohye profile link</span></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During our first visit they had found that her ventricles in her brain were on the high end of normal (at 10) and this time they were measuring lower (good news). It was still hard for them to get good visuals on her entire brain, specifically looking at the corpus callosum, the midline of your brain that connects the two hemispheres (left and right) and it communicates and coordinates functions of the body. The corpus callosum transfers motor, sensory, and cognitive information between the brain hemispheres. The doctor who was looking at it could see the blood flow in the front part but not follow it back to the base of the brain, mainly because of the position she was in. They will keep an eye out on it and believe that it's ok and that there's no need to have an MRI done.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The other thing they found NOW was that here heart RHYTHM is irregular and concerning to the cardiologist. The bottom chamber, the pumping chamber (aka: right ventricle) is NOT firing in proper rhythm with the top chamber (aka: right atrium). The concerns are that it could cause what they call a heart block which has varying degrees, but with our baby having only "half a heart" it's a concern that must be watched closely. Here is a link to better explain heart block on a normal heart: <a href="http://www.chop.edu/service/cardiac-center/heart-conditions/heart-block.html" target="_blank">Heart Block</a></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So the pediatric cardiologist we saw there, Dr. Van Der Velde, strongly encouraged us to see our pediatric cardiologist back home in Evansville on a weekly basis to keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't get any worse. On this day, the top chamber was beating at a normal 120 (+/-) beats per minute and the bottom chamber was only beating at 65 bpm. If it gets worse than that or other concerns arise from it then there is a good chance we will have to have a c-section earlier than our scheduled date. Otherwise, baby girl is growing well and is 2 lbs 2oz. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We did ask to speak with the genetic counselor in MI to see if she might know any more information regarding the abnormal duplication of chromosome 8 and she also said that there is no information on this particular type of duplication. So as far as that goes, it's still remains unknown the implications it could cause. (Frustration!!) </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We LOVED Dr. Ohye and were so glad to meet him! He sat with us for at least an hour going over our baby's heart condition again with us, explaining that her heart isn't a straight forward classic case of HLHS. She has Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (<a href="http://www.med.umich.edu/mott/congenital/services/hypop-left-heart-syndrome.html" target="_blank">HLHS</a>) but also has double outlet right ventricle (<a href="http://health.allrefer.com/health/double-outlet-right-ventricle-double-outlet-right-ventricle.html" target="_blank">DORV</a>) and a atrial septum defect (<a href="http://med.umich.edu/Mott/congenital/services/patient_con_atr.html" target="_blank">ASD</a>). Then he went over what it is they do to make the heart work and function as "normal" as they can. He explained the"whys" and the "hows" on the different types of surgeries she will undergo and what they will be doing in each surgery and what it accomplishes. I wish I had been able to record it because he made it so clear to understand! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We will be heading back to MI on September 13th for another follow up!! </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-84946551474743511622012-09-10T07:15:00.000-05:002012-12-03T16:00:39.655-06:00Results from Chromosome 8 research!<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>July 11, 2012</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It felt like an eternity passed before we finally heard back about what it meant when we were told about the "extra material" on chromosome 8. The anticipation and the anxiety we felt was again on high alert for this doctor appointment ~ wondering what we were going to be told now! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Soon after our appointment began with the genetic counselor all the anxiety was replaced with MORE unknowns and more frustrating news. Our baby girl has not one not two not three but a total of FOUR copies of the top 3 bands on one of the short arms of Chromosome 8. Now normally anyone would have two copies, one from mom and one from dad. But hers duplicated and now she has 4 total. (I have added the photo at the bottom of the chromosome print out they gave us so we could "see" what they were talking about.)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What we heard next is what made us speechless. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"THIS HAS NOT BEEN FOUND IN LITERATURE" the counselor stated, therefore they can not tell us specifically what this will mean for our baby. She handed us a brochure on different scenarios about deletion and duplications of this chromosome and what it can lead to and mean. Well, she told us to take it with a grain of salt because it really doesn't apply to our situation. What can one say, think or feel now ~ NUMB is the word that comes to mind! Can I call it a set back... maybe... but it is more like yet another "unknown" piece being added to an already complicated situation. So it was pointless to try to go home and research this specific chromosome 8 abnormality... there really isn't ANY information out there about it!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Adam and I agreed to the request to have our blood taken to see if either of us were carriers. We both felt like we weren't based on the fact that our first child is healthy, but I understand that some people can carry duplications of a chromosome and never have "side effects" from it. We were hoping that neither of us carried it because it could defiantly change our minds about having any more children.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This whole situation to say has been difficult is a huge understatement at this point. We felt our faith, hope and strength fading before our eyes.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ultrasound photos from July 11, 2012 (almost 26 weeks along) </span><br />
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Profile </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Trying to hide</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Below is the Chromosome 8 duplication. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One copy on the left and 3 total on the right.</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-21211194295457491202012-09-10T06:51:00.001-05:002012-12-03T15:32:41.756-06:00Our First Trip to Michigan<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>June 28 2012</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Knowing we couldn't make the 9 hour trip to Ann Arbor in one day with our appointments beginning so early we decided to head for Indianapolis on Tuesday. We stopped to spend the night with Adam's brother and sister-in-law and their son Zac and this is where Chloe would spend her very first night away from us both ~ as Mommy and Daddy headed to Michigan on Wednesday. I think it was harder on us to leave our sweet Chloe behind than it was for her, I doubt she even noticed we were gone! </span><br />
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My husband and I were both anxious about our first visit and orientation of the hospital but we were ready to take this big step ~ feeling good that this was the right choice for our baby girl. After a restless night of sleep, it was time to head to the hospital campus. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The size of the entire hospital campus was quite intimidating, the size of the children's wing is as big as the hospitals back home! It was a very long, emotional day to say the least. Our first appointment began around 8am and our last one was around 2pm and I remember leaving the grounds around 5pm to take the long drive back to Indy. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We met so many wonderful people, nurses, and doctors that day. We started out having a fetal echocardiogram done and then meeting with Dr. Fifer, a pediatric cardiologist to go over the findings of the echo, which I will go into later on. We then had an appointment with high risk OB and then we met with a genetics counselor and had another ultrasound study done to look at the growth and progress of our baby. We met another high risk OB doctor in this appointment. Unfortunately we were unable to meet with the surgeon on this visit. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We were given a couple tours of the children's hospital, and got to see the areas that would be pertaining to us and our baby. This wasn't the easiest part of our tour either. It was hard to see the innocent babies and children in their beds hooked up to so many wires and machines. It certainly is going to be difficult to see our OWN baby laying there in that very same condition. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here She Is!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>So, what all did we find out and learn during our visit?</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By now I am 24 weeks along which made it a" little easier" to see specific structures of the heart and the rest of the body. Not that the baby was cooperating very well, but at least they could see a little more.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We learned that our baby does indeed have HLHS and that they did see a little tiny bit of a left ventricle, which was hard to detect during our initial findings when I was 18 weeks along. They also found that it actually was the aorta that was smaller in size and the pulmonary artery was of normal size, this is more common in HLHS babies (during the initial findings they thought that it was the other way around). BUT, they did confirm that both the aorta and pulmonary artery were coming out from the right ventricle. This is also called Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV). She also has an atrial septal defect (ASD). She will still need to have the 3 separate heart surgeries: The Norwood, The Hemi-Fontan and the Fontan to make her heart work as efficiently as possible. It doesn't "fix" the heart to make it work and look like a normal heart, but it will enable the right ventricle do all the work of what normally would be done by two ventricles. Below is one link to a great series of videos we found on our research on HLHS from The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6F3745AFE64AC2DB&feature=plcp" target="_blank">CHOP Video Series on HLHS</a></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What else did we learn this day? We found out during our last appointment of the day, after the ultrasound, that they noticed that the ventricles in her brain were "large". Now, they put it on a scale of 1mm to 10mm, with 10mm being on the high end of "normal". Our baby girl's was measuring at a 10. Now this is another issue they are going to keep a close eye on throughout the rest of my pregnancy. What does it mean? Well, it basically boils down to cognitive development of our baby. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Overall, the first visit went well and we were glad to finally see the place that we will be calling "home" for a while once we have our baby. Unfortunately, we learned about things we weren't prepared to hear making the trip home somewhat quite.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We did make an appointment for a return visit to Michigan for Aug 9th and we went ahead and scheduled a c-section for Oct 11, 2012. (I am opting to have a c-section because my first baby was delivered via c-section and I just feel safer doing it this way).</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>The Wind in Our Sails</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">UGH! Yet one more thing to worry about! Her heart, wondering what the extra chromosome material results will be, wondering if other organs in her body are affected, and now this issue with the ventricles! Needless to say, the wind was taken from our sails once again, our hearts seem go grow heavier and heavier with each doctor visit we have. We must stay positive, but that is proving to be quite difficult to do! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Giving Us a Signal!!</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-13936746083846269232012-09-09T18:38:00.003-05:002012-12-03T15:53:52.259-06:00Decisions <div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>June 1 2012</i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After a lot of consideration we decided to go to University of Michigan's Mott's Children's Hospital in Ann Arbor. We called and talked to a wonderful nurse practitioner for the pediatric cardiology area of <a href="http://www.med.umich.edu/mott/congenital/index.html" target="_blank">Mott's Children's Hospital</a>. She spent well over an hour on the phone with Adam and I, writing down our information and answering all our questions. We told her we weren't really sure where to even begin and what steps to take next after receiving such news. We just knew we would like to tour the hospital to see what they had to offer us. She was MORE than helpful! We set up an appointment for the 28th of June.</span></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">June 12 2012</span></i></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We received a call from the genetic counselor informing us that there was "extra material" on chromosome 8 and they needed permission to go on with further research. She explained that it could be "junk material" or it could be one of the reasons causing our baby's CHD, or it could be something "else" that they just can't see yet without further research and results could take up to a week. We agreed to let them go on with the research. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Curiosity got the best of me and I began to research what this all could mean... I should NOT have done that. It left me feeling even more helpless and depressed. Just after getting news that the amniotic fluid showed "nothing" was wrong they call back with this news, it was just another set back for us. Leaving us with MORE uncertainty and unknown answers to our questions we were feeling hopeless and lost once again. Our hearts are heavy!</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-20509813831099682152012-09-09T17:55:00.000-05:002012-12-03T15:46:14.721-06:00Life feels like a blur!<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>The Day After</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>May 23, 2012</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am not quite sure if Adam and I really slept much the night after we got the news about our baby's heart condition. One thing we knew for sure was that we had to at least share the news with each of our parents and rely on them to pass the news along to the rest of the family. We ended up skyping our parents to share the news that we were going to have another girl as well as informing them of her congenital heart defect (CHD). We did the best we could to explain what HLHS was and what was in store for us. We explained that we needed to deliver at a level 3 (tertiary) hospital because they were more equipped for babies like this but if I did deliver in Evansville that they would take the necessary precautions to stabilize her and send her to the hospital we've chosen to care for her. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was very hard for our parents to hear the news and it was hard to tell them. Very emotional and still difficult to digest. Understanding how difficult it was for us to talk about, they agreed to spread the news on to family and close friends. We also were not prepared for the "whole" world to know yet, so we asked that nothing be posted on public web-sites like facebook. We just asked that we put into everyone's prayers. We believe in the power of prayer, miracles and hope.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So curiosity naturally took over and we began our research on what HLHS is and researched tons of hospitals that had experience in caring for babies with CHD and HLHS. Bombarded with stories, blogs and videos of parents and their children with HLHS it became more evident how serious this condition was and how fragile many of these babies are. There are stories of success, survival, as well as, stories of babies didn't have such a happy ending. These "Heart Angels" couldn't sustain and overcome some of the complications that can occur with this CHD. It was hard to see it all and to see the photos and videos of the babies after their surgeries, knowing this is what we are going to be facing before we knew it! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mind-boggling, overwhelming, stressful, depressing, scary, the uncertainty... are just a few of the emotions we were going through and feeling ~ and still are today. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a mother of a beautiful baby girl, I know I can rock her to soothe her when she's upset, give her tylenol when she's in pain or sick, kiss her to "make it all better" ~ and then to look down at my belly knowing there is NOTHING I can do to make this better, to sooth it, to make it go away leaves me feeling helpless and and very sad. This is something I never, ever imagined I would be going through. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The emotions, feelings and thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis are consuming! All I or my husband can do is to take one day at a time. We know we have a long road ahead of us and all we can do is prepare as best as we can and to "prepare for the worse and hope for the best". </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We knew we were going to do our best to give our baby girl the best fighting chance she can get. So, we had to decide where we are going to deliver our baby and let the professionals take her from there. It would be one of the most important choices we would have to make knowing that it would become a "second" home to us for the next couple of years. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>May 29 2012</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As Dr. Kumbar anticipated, we made another appointment to meet with her. She went over the fetal echocardiogram results with us again as well as the surgeries that our baby would be undergoing, the treatment plans, the interventions that may be needed after delivery, and answered any questions we had. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once again, she explained that it was very hard to see the structures of the heart but it appeared that the the pulmonary artery appears to be small, the aorta appears of normal size and is not stenotic (constricted or narrowed) and that the aorta and pulmonary artery appear to be coming out from the same ventricle, most likely the right and that the left ventricle never developed or it is so small that it is hard to visualize. It also appeared that the aorta and pulmonary artery were "flip-flopped" meaning that the aorta appeared to be in front of the pulmonary artery and in a normal heart it's the other way around. She also told us that sometimes other conditions may arise with organs such as the spleen or liver but they are unable to see those organs as of now. She said as we have more fetal echocardiograms it will be easier to achieve a more accurate study of all these structures. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This time, it was still hard to hear about our baby's CHD, but I believe we could actually HEAR what she was saying without the mind numbing feelings we had the first time around. We still felt like there were so many "unknowns" to be considered and that this wasn't a straightforward case of HLHS.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We can't say enough good things about Dr. Kumbar, she is a great doctor and very thorough and very patient with us. We felt as if she had nothing else to do on the first day we met her, as well as this second visit with her. </span></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">May 30 2012</span></i></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We were in the area and decided to stop by to see if our results from the amniocentesis had come back. The counselor informed us that the preliminary results show everything came back clear. That was huge news for us and for our baby girl! </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277082312343922729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045835289053124031.post-54678912526595133672012-09-09T12:29:00.000-05:002012-12-03T15:43:55.394-06:00Where to begin?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's taken me a long time to find the strength to even being a blog about our daughter.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want to take you all back in time to where it all began nearly 16 weeks ago!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I found out before Valentines Day that I was pregnant and decided to hand make a Valentine's card for my husband to share the great news with him that way. Needless to say, he was so surprised and very excited to be adding another baby to our family. We shared the news with the rest of the family and we took a photo of our first daughter, Chloe, holding up a book saying "I'm a Big Sister"</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We were anxious about finding out the sex of this baby and I thought for sure it was going to be a boy because of how different this pregnancy was compared to my first one with my daughter.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">May 22, 2012 </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Today we find out if it's a boy or girl!!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First off let me say that our ultrasounds were done and are still done with a Maternal-Fetal Medicine & Genetics Center being referred there because of me being "high risk" mainly because of my age. (Ha Ha Ha! I just find that funny)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was just a few days over of being 18 weeks along when we had our ultrasound and found out we were going to have another baby girl!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtFe1pribqiT4sRYN0hA9H66aQfnAyzzgmfAPqfQmixVLKTUrLVPLcdhdmft6eHim-dZ0A_SZUci7btKaGZCGAmtiY75_ylAghyYavmiu2VyW1VLwGUVIhWJxvmzaI5Liz7yuP-5deAN0/s1600/Scan+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtFe1pribqiT4sRYN0hA9H66aQfnAyzzgmfAPqfQmixVLKTUrLVPLcdhdmft6eHim-dZ0A_SZUci7btKaGZCGAmtiY75_ylAghyYavmiu2VyW1VLwGUVIhWJxvmzaI5Liz7yuP-5deAN0/s200/Scan+2.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's a Girl! (18 weeks)</span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our excitement about hearing we were having another baby girl was soon transformed into what seemed like a dream that I nor my husband, Adam, could wake up from. I knew in my gut that something wasn't right because the ultrasound seemed to be taking a lot longer than what it should have. Once we were done there, we were escorted into a meeting room to wait for a doctor to review the ultrasound with us. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting and trying to entertain our 18 month old daughter the doctor came in and sat down. She reviewed everything with us, telling us our baby girl was growing just fine and things looks normal <i><b>BUT</b></i> they saw an issue with her heart.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I believe her words were, "Your baby has a very serious and complex congenital heart defect" and it is what we call Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome also known as HLHS. Being that I was only 18 weeks along, it was very hard for them to tell in great detail every aspect of what all was wrong with her heart but they knew for certain that she hadn't developed the left ventricle of her heart. After the doctor explained that our baby would need a series of surgeries to survive, the emotions began to surface. I think we were both in such shock and disbelief of the news that was just given to us. The doctor explained that we had a <u>choice</u> to have an amniocentesis done to test for downs syndrome, fragile X syndrome, and trisomies 13 and 18 and based on the findings of these test would give us further indication on if our baby could and would be able to have open heart surgery. I guess under certain circumstances, if a baby has a severe enough chromosomal abnormality, heart surgery would not sustain their life. Well of course immediately we agreed to have the amniocentesis preformed, which we had done the same day.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNVTDpa25M4JxW-rzUq7067zwDsUAYyGEiah81xU-ddaJkmM4j2GEvpZiHDqd2Vc_6GaiGJVb9G_KnkACv3bJM6LukgtQexprOmiOq_PfMyEmu7YkZliuf_MUG2c0tjQLldfNO9ki8WWQ/s1600/hypolv.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="314" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNVTDpa25M4JxW-rzUq7067zwDsUAYyGEiah81xU-ddaJkmM4j2GEvpZiHDqd2Vc_6GaiGJVb9G_KnkACv3bJM6LukgtQexprOmiOq_PfMyEmu7YkZliuf_MUG2c0tjQLldfNO9ki8WWQ/s640/hypolv.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here is what a typical Hypoplastic Left heart looks like compared to a normal heart. </span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We were also told that we would need to make an appointment with the pediatric cardiologist office to have have a fetal echocardiogram done and to meet with Dr. Kumbar. The office called for us this same day to see if we could be fit in which we were so thankful that they actually could squeeze us in. After a quick bite to eat we went to get the fetal echo done and to meet with Dr. Kumbar. The fetal echo took about 2 hours because it was so hard for the technician to get the views she needed because I was only 18 weeks along. Soon we were sitting and waiting yet again in another clinical room trying to keep Chloe quite and entertained as best we could. Dr. Kumbar came in and began to go over what she saw from the ultrasound and from the echocardiogram that we just had done. Still in a fog over all the information we received thus far ... we were about to enter info overload with what Dr. Kumbar was going to tell us ~ she even "warned" us that we were about to hear a lot of information and to stop her at any point to just take breather and/or ask questions.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It really is all a blur to me even now, sitting here trying to recall the events of the day. A few things do stick out in my mind though so I guess I will share what I do recall. I was extremely impressed with how patient Dr. Kumbar was with us and how she took her time to explain everything. Drawing out photos of what a normal heart looks like and what they were seeing with our baby girl's heart. Stopping each time to let our tears flow and give a moment to gather ourselves and to soothe Chloe (who finally fell asleep on Daddy's shoulder) before she continued. She explained that the baby will have a series of 3 separate heart surgeries to get the heart to work more efficiently, but made sure we understood it wouldn't make the heart normal... like what a "normal" heart should look like and function like. The first surgery would take place within the first few days of life, the second would take place around 6 months of age and the third being around 18 months - 2 years of age. Without these surgeries, it <b>IS</b> a fatal congenital heart defect (CHD).</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She kindly asked us if we had any questions as she went along... I think we were still in such shock we naturally didn't have a lot of questions at the time. We were merely just trying to absorb all the information from the entire day. She reiterated the fact that our baby has a very complex heart condition and she fully expects us to take a few days to absorb this information, research it on our own and we could call back at anytime to make another appointment to discuss it more. After spending OVER an hour with us, our day at the doctors offices was finally over. I believe our day began in the offices around 8:30am and we were leaving to go home sometime around 4:30 or 5:00. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can remember walking hand in hand with Chloe as Adam walked in front of us with the stroller and diaper bag. Two ladies passed us and commented on how adorable Chloe was and they were in aww over her thick curly hair. For some reason, at that moment after they walked away ... I fell apart ... right there on the sidewalk. I remember Adam coming back, putting Chloe into the stroller and just holding me as I sobbed.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After arriving home, neither Adam or I could do much of anything other than stare into "space" and feel the occasional tear run down our face. We didn't call ANYONE or answer our phones, knowing that the family knew we were going to have our ultrasound done to see what we were having, I am sure they all wondered what was going on. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Feeling numb and like we were living in a dream ... we had to keep going on as normal as we could for Chloe ... and then it was bedtime.</span></div>
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